This past week at Ali Brown‘s Shine event, I had a big awareness during Anne McKevitt’s talk on branding. Besides the fact that I found Anne to be totally off point for most of the women in the room, it suddenly hit me that I’ve let go of a big dream I’ve carried with me for a few years. And I’m grieving it.
Anne was talking about building a worldwide brand. Her message reminded me of what I once wanted to do. And woke me up to the reality that I’ve let the dream slip away.
It’s funny how I didn’t realize it until that moment. There was no point at which I said “that’s it, I can’t do it anymore. I’m giving up on this dream.” But, now looking back over the past year, I notice this is the first real attention I’ve given it in several months; it’s not something that will move itself forward on it’s own; and I want to spend more time with my kids now so I don’t see myself pushing it forward. In fact, I’ve let go of a lot of things that require push.
I think I first started to let go of the dream when I was on the phone with one of my business/blogging/mommy role models, Penelope Trunk. She must have been right in the middle of raising money for her company and unable to pay herself. We had a brief conversation about two things I was working on: a reality show and writing the business plan to make this dream a reality. She said I was crazy for wanting to raise money and develop a software program (a major component of the dream). That I should do the reality show instead.
I wonder if she’d still say the same thing now that her company is at least partially funded.
Regardless, she was only reflecting back to me what I was already feeling. I had spent two years on this big dream and I was tired. Exhausted really. Feeling defeated.
I had just invested $15,000 and several months in a business plan that was not clearly capturing my vision and then I lost $10,000 to a couple of scam artists. At the same time, the economic news was building to a frenzy and I realized I had an amazing business that was making a big difference for a lot of lawyers as it was and I needed to invest my energy in building the business I had rather than continuing to focus on the bigger vision.
I dreamed of making affordable access to a lifetime relationship with a lawyer™ readily available in every neighborhood of the US and Canada. Think H&R Block or State Farm Insurance or Remax or TLC Laser Eye Care Centers. But, for lawyers.
Every other profession – from accounting to insurance to medical to dental – has a centralized system the professional can plug into that is automated from soup to nuts so the professional can do what she does best and the managers can run everything from marketing to service fulfillment to membership management.
There is nothing like it for lawyers. And, I was gonna be the one to build it.
The Personal Family Lawyer business I have built is a beautiful precursor. Lawyers implementing my business model for attracting, engaging, servicing and retaining clients lawyers are transforming their practices. They are moving beyond the failing, broken model and becoming trusted advisors to their clients. They are busier than ever, even in this shifting economy and making a real difference in their clients lives.
Just yesterday, I heard from a lawyer who joined our program to transition from a litigation practice that was turning him into someone he didn’t like into an estate planning lawyer who is making a positive impact in the world. In his first month of seeing clients as a Personal Family Lawyer he has already engaged one client and has another 5 appointments on the books. Unless you are a lawyer, you probably have no idea how amazing this is.
My systems work. Sure, they’re not built on a centralized model like H&R Block, State Farm or Remax, and I’ve come to realize they may never be, but they are changing the world for the individual lawyers who are embracing a new way of being with their clients and grateful to have a proven business model for doing it.
I’ve gained new awareness about myself. I’m an amazing coach, visionary, and communicator. It turns out, I’m not so good at managing teams, hiring, negotiating, financials, and all the other little detail things necessary to build a really big business. I can do those things. But, they drain my energy. And they make me less good at what I’m really good at. Plus, bottom line, they take time away from my kids and my writing and the self care that I need to be happy.
So, I’m grieving the dream.
At the same time, for perhaps the first time in my life as a business woman, I’m celebrating what I’ve built and discovering what it’s like to appreciate what I have without this intense, burning desire for more, more, more.
My business is built. It brings in more than a million dollars a year and supports my family plus 6 of the most supportive, fantastic team members a girl could have. I get to work from home, homeschool my kids and have started a secondary business coaching business owners who want what I’ve built with my honey. We are making a huge impact in the lives of these lawyers and their clients as well as the business owners we coach.
I get to coach, write, and innovate. It’s what I’ve dreamed about for so long and it’s all happening. My main job now is to continue to support the forward-thinking lawyers who have stepped out of their own comfort zones to adopt a new model of practice, keep innovating new campaigns to get the message out about what they are doing in the world and attract more lawyers who are ready for something better in their lives and their businesses and don’t want to have to reinvent the wheel to have it.
Really, what more could a girl ask for?
Sure, I’d love a ten (hundred) million dollar business. And I’d love to be known as the woman who radically transformed the legal industry on a massive scale. And I believe I have the specialized knowledge to really do it right, but I simply will not do it at the expense of my family and my well-being.
My ego is pissed off that I’ve let go of the dream. It wants to be seen as more than just a girl with a great business and a blog and a couple of kids. But, that’s just further confirmation for me that letting go is the right thing for me to do. I refuse to let some idea of what I should do an what I should be run my life anymore.
And even with all that, I’m still grieving the dream.
38 Comments
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Edit thisThanks for sharing. I think I've been there too. Priorities shift and sometimes we rekindle them later, and sometimes we pass the torch to others we've inspired. It's all good. Do you know the book, “Sequencing”? You're on the right track.
Thanks for sharing. I think I've been there too. Priorities shift and sometimes we rekindle them later, and sometimes we pass the torch to others we've inspired. It's all good. Do you know the book, “Sequencing”? You're on the right track.
Hi Alexis,
Thanks so much for sharing this with us. To me you've already made such a huge difference to so many. Maybe it's just taking a different shape now than you thought it would take.
I'm doing the same thing that you're doing and spending more time with my kids now. I used to have a full time babysitter, but now it's just me. I've let go of certain things in my business to make room for those that allow me to lead the lifestyle I want to leave. The change has been a little scary, but this week it was so nice to go meet a friend at the park with my baby. Sometimes it's really hard to juggle the kids and the business and there is no perfect balance.
I have a huge vision for my business as well and going after this at the same time. But right now I'm enjoying my kids during the day and working at night or naptime. The good news is I set up a business model that allows me to do this.
Anyway just wanted to say thanks for what you shared.
Hi Karen. I've heard of the book “sequencing”, but haven't read it I guess because I didn't “believe” in it. LOL. I've been all about having it all for so long and wanted to build a life in which I could do everything I want to do AND raise my kids all at the same time. Looks like my perception of having it all is changing. Thanks for the reminder about sequencing. Alexis
Hi Alexis,
Thanks so much for sharing this with us. To me you've already made such a huge difference to so many. Maybe it's just taking a different shape now than you thought it would take.
I'm doing the same thing that you're doing and spending more time with my kids now. I used to have a full time babysitter, but now it's just me. I've let go of certain things in my business to make room for those that allow me to lead the lifestyle I want to leave. The change has been a little scary, but this week it was so nice to go meet a friend at the park with my baby. Sometimes it's really hard to juggle the kids and the business and there is no perfect balance.
I have a huge vision for my business as well and going after this at the same time. But right now I'm enjoying my kids during the day and working at night or naptime. The good news is I set up a business model that allows me to do this.
Anyway just wanted to say thanks for what you shared.
Hi Karen. I've heard of the book “sequencing”, but haven't read it I guess because I didn't “believe” in it. LOL. I've been all about having it all for so long and wanted to build a life in which I could do everything I want to do AND raise my kids all at the same time. Looks like my perception of having it all is changing. Thanks for the reminder about sequencing. Alexis
Alexis –
I, too, just want to say a heartfelt thank you for being so candid, open and transparent. Your SHINE posts have been the spark for a lot of contemplation, journaling, reflection, and visioning. I had the last one open in my browser for several days and I just kept coming back to it.
It's these kinds of posts, from generous women like you who have walked the road before, that support me in creating what I truly want instead of going around in circles or getting caught up in the big push. Thank you.
Alexis –
I, too, just want to say a heartfelt thank you for being so candid, open and transparent. Your SHINE posts have been the spark for a lot of contemplation, journaling, reflection, and visioning. I had the last one open in my browser for several days and I just kept coming back to it.
It's these kinds of posts, from generous women like you who have walked the road before, that support me in creating what I truly want instead of going around in circles or getting caught up in the big push. Thank you.
I really respect you for being so honest and making a courageous decision, as well as following what your heart told you and not your head. You are truly going to enjoy life so much more fully – I can feel it.
Beautifully said and I appreciate your honesty about what's really up for you. What a breath of fresh air. I love what you said about your ego being pissed off that you let go of the dream. I think that's what drives so many (what others or the ego side of us thinks we should do) and then we wake up one day and realize our soul got off track. Thank you.
Melani
I love this for you. Thank you for sharing and inspiring. tuning in to our inner nature are really what life is about. As our awareness and feminine nature grow I think we can start to experience what really matters in our life! Grieving, and ultimately honoring the dream, seems so important to allow for the real dream to emerge. Perhaps the right co- creator will come along and ease this dream in to being for you! After all the more we allow for what is truly nourishing to our being, the easier it all becomes, right?
I really respect you for being so honest and making a courageous decision, as well as following what your heart told you and not your head. You are truly going to enjoy life so much more fully – I can feel it.
Beautifully said and I appreciate your honesty about what's really up for you. What a breath of fresh air. I love what you said about your ego being pissed off that you let go of the dream. I think that's what drives so many (what others or the ego side of us thinks we should do) and then we wake up one day and realize our soul got off track. Thank you.
Melani
You are helping people who really need the help and you can't top that! I worked in major international law firms for 25 years before escaping and starting my own business, making any version of the legal profession noble is hard work. If you need to let it go, it's not what you should be doing! Have a short grieving period and embrace how you can help more people on a personal and practical level!
Thanks for sharing!
Donna
Well put Alexis. I think as female entrepreneurs, we think that just because we can do a lot, that we NEED to do a lot. Many times at the expense of our family and our health. Never thought of it as ego, but maybe it is. As someone that you've touched and helped, I want you to know that I really appreciate all the things that you do — and LOVE that you're so honest and real! 🙂
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Edit thisI love this for you. Thank you for sharing and inspiring. tuning in to our inner nature are really what life is about. As our awareness and feminine nature grow I think we can start to experience what really matters in our life! Grieving, and ultimately honoring the dream, seems so important to allow for the real dream to emerge. Perhaps the right co- creator will come along and ease this dream in to being for you! After all the more we allow for what is truly nourishing to our being, the easier it all becomes, right?
You are helping people who really need the help and you can't top that! I worked in major international law firms for 25 years before escaping and starting my own business, making any version of the legal profession noble is hard work. If you need to let it go, it's not what you should be doing! Have a short grieving period and embrace how you can help more people on a personal and practical level!
Thanks for sharing!
Donna
Well put Alexis. I think as female entrepreneurs, we think that just because we can do a lot, that we NEED to do a lot. Many times at the expense of our family and our health. Never thought of it as ego, but maybe it is. As someone that you've touched and helped, I want you to know that I really appreciate all the things that you do — and LOVE that you're so honest and real! 🙂
First let me say a BIG Happy Birthday to you. May you get as much as you have given and reap richly for all that you've sown! I love you 🙂
You continue to inspire me and take me out of my comfort zone at the same time!
With 44 days remaining in 2009 I am planning for the new year and honestly having more difficulty than I thought with the process. Now I sense that it is for many of the same reasons that you outlined so candidly here.
I too am grieving a dream. I see so many Moms like you feeling the pull of priorities to their family and business that I figured (foolishly I suppose) that I should first build it and THEN all the pieces would fit into place.
But instead that seems to be far from my reality. In January I turn 37 and after 13 years of marriage, 11 years in business, 7 years out of corporate America and still feeling that there are SO MANY levels I still have to climb I can't see how being a Mom is going to make it on the list of things “I have to” accomplish in 2010.
This post reminds me of something Rev. Michael said, “Surrender means that you're yielding to the next stage of your evolution, when a flower comes into full bloom it yields. You're here to grow, develop and evolve.”
At the moment I feel something is asking me to yield; but I've got more questions than answers right now. What I know for sure is that your candid sharing has helped me to remember that we all have this challenge, chance, choice.
First let me say a BIG Happy Birthday to you. May you get as much as you have given and reap richly for all that you've sown! I love you 🙂
You continue to inspire me and take me out of my comfort zone at the same time!
With 44 days remaining in 2009 I am planning for the new year and honestly having more difficulty than I thought with the process. Now I sense that it is for many of the same reasons that you outlined so candidly here.
I too am grieving a dream. I see so many Moms like you feeling the pull of priorities to their family and business that I figured (foolishly I suppose) that I should first build it and THEN all the pieces would fit into place.
But instead that seems to be far from my reality. In January I turn 37 and after 13 years of marriage, 11 years in business, 7 years out of corporate America and still feeling that there are SO MANY levels I still have to climb I can't see how being a Mom is going to make it on the list of things “I have to” accomplish in 2010.
This post reminds me of something Rev. Michael said, “Surrender means that you're yielding to the next stage of your evolution, when a flower comes into full bloom it yields. You're here to grow, develop and evolve.”
At the moment I feel something is asking me to yield; but I've got more questions than answers right now. What I know for sure is that your candid sharing has helped me to remember that we all have this challenge, chance, choice.
Alexis,
I'm so proud of you. You've done so much for so many of us. Taking that in 100%, must be awesome feeling. Like you, my family is of utmost importance. Yes, we all want to make a grand difference in the world, but never at the expense of those we love the most. I commend you for your shift and know you will feel more inner peace as a result.
xo
Patti
Alexis, I have noticed a big change in the way that you have been interacting with people both here and on Twitter over the past few weeks. I think you've been consciously saying that you wanted to change, but I have found you to be engaging in a whole new, more open, way. I find it exciting and fascinating, especially since so many of the business gurus talk about limiting access so that you can focus on building your business – I appreciate you putting yourself out there for us!
Thank you so much for your honesty and heart. I've recently been rather disappointed reading about some of the high achievers claiming you can get it all and at the same time leaving babies to be taken care of mainly by a nanny, not my vision of getting it all :). Our kids grow quickly, now is the time. Would love to know how you help other mompreneurs, I'm one of them homeschooling kids exactly the age of yours and trying to find time for my business, I definitely could do with some help and inspiration.
Karin
Alexis, what a fascinating post… knowing you, your talent and your drive, this is an extraordinary decision. Because it is so “personal”, no-one but you should judge it… I am curious about the time frame for your decision… will a year or three allow you to come at this again in a different way… I am guessing yes… in the meantime, I wish you the best enjoying your kids and Dave !
Dreams are important. No one ever achieved anything worthwhile without a dream.
But sometimes dreams are impractical, too expensive or simply impossible.
I hear your grief. I am grieving mine too.
What you can do now is examine how much of the dream you can salvage, and decide whether that's what you want to do or not.
If so, make the time to do it.
If not, find something else.
Life is short, and we can't do absolutely everything we want to. So we have to make choices. You made a choice a while ago, even though you didn't realise it at the time. Now you get to decide if that choice was the right one or not.
It's not too late to go back to the dream, if that's what you really really want to do.
And it's not too late to modify the dream, or start a new one.
Alexis,
I'm so proud of you. You've done so much for so many of us. Taking that in 100%, must be awesome feeling. Like you, my family is of utmost importance. Yes, we all want to make a grand difference in the world, but never at the expense of those we love the most. I commend you for your shift and know you will feel more inner peace as a result.
xo
Patti
Alexis, I have noticed a big change in the way that you have been interacting with people both here and on Twitter over the past few weeks. I think you've been consciously saying that you wanted to change, but I have found you to be engaging in a whole new, more open, way. I find it exciting and fascinating, especially since so many of the business gurus talk about limiting access so that you can focus on building your business – I appreciate you putting yourself out there for us!
Thank you so much for your honesty and heart. I've recently been rather disappointed reading about some of the high achievers claiming you can get it all and at the same time leaving babies to be taken care of mainly by a nanny, not my vision of getting it all :). Our kids grow quickly, now is the time. Would love to know how you help other mompreneurs, I'm one of them homeschooling kids exactly the age of yours and trying to find time for my business, I definitely could do with some help and inspiration.
Karin
Alexis, what a fascinating post… knowing you, your talent and your drive, this is an extraordinary decision. Because it is so “personal”, no-one but you should judge it… I am curious about the time frame for your decision… will a year or three allow you to come at this again in a different way… I am guessing yes… in the meantime, I wish you the best enjoying your kids and Dave !
Dreams are important. No one ever achieved anything worthwhile without a dream.
But sometimes dreams are impractical, too expensive or simply impossible.
I hear your grief. I am grieving mine too.
What you can do now is examine how much of the dream you can salvage, and decide whether that's what you want to do or not.
If so, make the time to do it.
If not, find something else.
Life is short, and we can't do absolutely everything we want to. So we have to make choices. You made a choice a while ago, even though you didn't realise it at the time. Now you get to decide if that choice was the right one or not.
It's not too late to go back to the dream, if that's what you really really want to do.
And it's not too late to modify the dream, or start a new one.
I am always touched by what you have to say and the conviction with which you say it. I applaud you for the awareness of the importance of the grieving process. I know that in my past experience as well as many of my clients the momentum of life often entices us to “skip” that part of the cycle. And when we do there is “unfinished” energy that can get stuck on a number of levels.
A wise mentor once shared with me, when I was expressing frustration about things not happening “fast” enough, that perhaps it wasn't the idea itself that needed pushing, but rather the world was just needing time to catch up with the bigness of the idea. Is it possible that this could be the case here? Just curious if it is a dream that you are grieving and wanting to let go of forever – or perhaps just the timeline of how and when it might play out..
Again, thank you for sharing all of you!
😉
Amy
I am always touched by what you have to say and the conviction with which you say it. I applaud you for the awareness of the importance of the grieving process. I know that in my past experience as well as many of my clients the momentum of life often entices us to “skip” that part of the cycle. And when we do there is “unfinished” energy that can get stuck on a number of levels.
A wise mentor once shared with me, when I was expressing frustration about things not happening “fast” enough, that perhaps it wasn't the idea itself that needed pushing, but rather the world was just needing time to catch up with the bigness of the idea. Is it possible that this could be the case here? Just curious if it is a dream that you are grieving and wanting to let go of forever – or perhaps just the timeline of how and when it might play out..
Again, thank you for sharing all of you!
😉
Amy
Hi Alexis,
Thank you for sharing the letting go of your dream. I think so many entrepreneurs feel *stuck* because they start their businesses off with a dream and then as that business changes over time, as all businesses will, they don't see how to let go of the original dream.
I think there is great power in mindfully letting go of a dream that no longer suits where you are in your world TODAY. And of course, whenever anything is let go, a grieving process is important to be able to move forward with a sense of peace.
The cool thing about being a business owner with an entrepreneurial mindset is that (1) you will always have your knowledge — no one can take that away and (2) you can always come back to the dream at a later point in your career with even more specialized knowledge and further experience.
On a personal note I spent quite a bit of time reading through your blog; I've never been here before. I find your work inspirational, personal, and completely transparent (to use a current buzz word). Thanks for being real! I look forward to reading more of your work.
Hi Alexis,
Thank you for sharing the letting go of your dream. I think so many entrepreneurs feel *stuck* because they start their businesses off with a dream and then as that business changes over time, as all businesses will, they don't see how to let go of the original dream.
I think there is great power in mindfully letting go of a dream that no longer suits where you are in your world TODAY. And of course, whenever anything is let go, a grieving process is important to be able to move forward with a sense of peace.
The cool thing about being a business owner with an entrepreneurial mindset is that (1) you will always have your knowledge — no one can take that away and (2) you can always come back to the dream at a later point in your career with even more specialized knowledge and further experience.
On a personal note I spent quite a bit of time reading through your blog; I've never been here before. I find your work inspirational, personal, and completely transparent (to use a current buzz word). Thanks for being real! I look forward to reading more of your work.
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