I’ve been stingy and here’s why …

I had the opportunity this past weekend to gain a deeper sense of clarity around why I’ve made some of the choices I’ve made up until now, and I am infinitely grateful to remember who I really am, why I am here and to have a new perspective that I hope will inspire you to reclaim your life, as I reclaim mine.

Several years ago, I was a woman who inspired people with my authentic and transparent sharing of my journey from an empty life of success into finding a life of meaning.

I wrote here regularly, I hosted a show called The Whole Truth Show. I let myself be seen. I was fully revealed.

And then, I got scared.

I began to doubt myself and my motivations.

I listened to the projections that were piled on me and made them true.

I began to believe that what people said about me was more real than what I knew to be true about myself.

I forgot who I was.

So, I made perfect better than good.

I slipped into inauthenticity because from there, I could put on a “mask of goodness” that shielded me from the beliefs of others. Behind that “mask of goodness,” I could (attempt to) hide what was really true.

Transformation is messy. And worth it.

I posted less and less here, until eventually I stopped altogether.

I still shared on my Facebook wall, but even that began to trickle off.

I didn’t share too much of what was really happening.

I told myself I was too busy. I told myself I was living my life, fully, and no longer had any need to share it because I was so fulfilled living it.

And to some extent that was (and is) true.

But at another level, I was nursing my wounds, hiding out behind another version of “I’ve got it altogether” so you wouldn’t see that I was afraid.

I was afraid that if I continued to let myself be fully seen, I wouldn’t be taken seriously. I was afraid that if I let myself continue to be fully seen, I would be judged. I was afraid that if I continued to let myself be fully seen, all of the work I’ve done with the legal community would be for naught.

So, I hid. And disappeared back into my work.

I got stingy.

I stopped giving my time and energy to sharing my journey of becoming.

I put my comfort and safety before my willingness to give you all of who I am.

And while that’s honorable, and understandable, and “makes sense” it’s also BS because it’s not the truth of who I really am, it’s not in alignment with the world I desire to live into, and it’s not going to create more of what I want to see for all of us.

Because I know that one of my greatest gifts is to share myself with you here.

And it’s a gift not just for you, but for me.

So, hi. I’m back. I’m sharing here again. I’m giving you that which only I can give, me.


Leave a Reply