What to Do When You Don’t Feel Like It

I leave for Los Angeles today for my first time stepping out of my little cocoon of home, kids and business in a few months.

Often, I’m constantly in motion – traveling here and there, doing business, having fun and being out there.

But for the last few months, I’ve come within.  Home.  Money Map.  Kids. Family. Local community.  Friends.  Team.

As this trip to Los Angeles was approaching, I began to feel extremely stressed about the idea of re-emerging and stepping into a photo shoot.  That’s not normal for me.  There’s little I love more than a camera pointed in my direction.

But as the days came closer, I just kept feeling more and more resistance.  So I called my wonderful photographer, Christina Morassi, and canceled the shoot.

This video lets you in on why.

{I was really considering not publishing this video because it’s so behind the scenes, but that discomfort is what told me I had to do it – you need to see this because this is what it’s really like sometimes and I so want you to know what it’s really like and not be misled into thinking life and business is always pretty for some people – it’s really not.}

32 Comments

  1. Chuck RylantSaturday, February 19, 2011 at 10:47 pm 

    I enjoy your openness and ‘thinking out loud’ in these behind the scenes videos.

  2. Mike ReedSaturday, February 19, 2011 at 10:51 pm 

    You go take those pictures when you feel like it – it’s YOUR business.

    You are right – don’t depend on government or corporations for well being.

    We need to depend on our will and our own selves to make success in this world – that and Faith of course.

    Take care and have a great rest of the weekend, Alexis.
    Twitter: MikeReed_2011

  3. RsbainesSaturday, February 19, 2011 at 10:59 pm 

    Alexis: I greatly enjoyed this video today. Thank You for sharing. -Robert

  4. Karri FlatlaSaturday, February 19, 2011 at 11:02 pm 

    Right at the end you talk about finding that fluid space where both sides of you align. Boy do I relate to that! I work hard to find alignment between the edgy, tough, tell-it-like-it-is Karri and the hey-you-can-tell-me-anything Karri. Strong and compassionate do mix though!

    Karri

    ps: some who are close to me say I should have been a lawyer. In one very detailed aptitude test I took in college it was said I should work in law but in mediation. Always thought that was interesting 😉

  5. AnonymousSaturday, February 19, 2011 at 11:11 pm 

    Thanks for sharing you Alexis. Mike Reed is right. Take those pictures when you feel like it, but know that you look beautiful just like this. I’m in to natural people and looks to begin with, so seeing you casual, talking informally, just being who you are, whatever that is, is perfect as far as I’m concerned! By the way, this animal lover was going nuts watching you interact with your adorable kitty cat! 🙂

    Hugs,

    @NancyMyrland

  6. Lisa C. DeckerSunday, February 20, 2011 at 2:11 am 

    Alexis, you have a natural beauty that radiates from within and without. It doesn’t hurt that you look great au natural! 🙂

    Your willingness to show the world the inner you is endearing and authentic. I hope that you take some down time for you and regenerate your spirit. The pictures will wait and I’m sure will be worth the wait.

    I couldn’t agree with you more about all of us needing to be able to take care of ourselves. I want to know more about the community in Colorado. I really loved it there when I was there recently to work and stay with you. Have fun in LA!

    Much love,

    Lisa

    http://www.DivorceMoneyMatters.com

  7. CarnavitalitySunday, February 20, 2011 at 1:53 pm 

    Alexis, you are a beautiful inspiration. I so admire your commitment and dedication to discovering and sharing the truth of who you are. Thank you.

  8. Michelle Pallemaerts LeathSunday, February 20, 2011 at 4:51 pm 

    Love it, Alexis! Thank you for being so authentic, as always. Your willingness to share creates a safe space for others to do the same. And as pretty as you look in pictures, I think you are at your most beautiful in videos like this, just purely being yourself. Rock on, sister!

  9. Dr. Marla ReisSunday, February 20, 2011 at 8:03 pm 

    Thank you for being so excruciatingly AUTHENTIC!! I too share the “extremes” in my identity like urban intellectual, hippie mama, spiritual seeker, and it’s so nurturing to see you going through the process of confronting the same issues.. Your economic outlook also resonates deep within me…

  10. Jeanne Peters RDSunday, February 20, 2011 at 9:13 pm 

    HI Alexis, I love this video and acknowledge that your taking some “self care”time for yourself in Los Angeles. I agree that now is the time to co-create the communities that are the alternative to big gov’t sponsored retirement plans that are invested in activities incompatible with a healthy life for people/planet. I am creating a community in Ojai that is based upon Rudolh Steiners Threefold Social Order- he maintained that the health of human society depended on an adult population that understood the characteristics of culture, econmics and legal issues and organize society so that each domain enjoys independence and autonomy. Look at the idea of a CSA- CommunitySupported Agriculture where we invest in farmers to grow our food regardless of outcome and the investment comes back to support a healthier planet/ community/ndividual
    keep us posted on your intentional community building…we all need models …blessings, Jeanne!

  11. Susie BeilerMonday, February 21, 2011 at 2:35 am 

    You are so beautiful in your raw naked truth. April is going to be an amazing month, so it may be just the perfect timing for you.
    Much Love, Susie

  12. Christina MorassiMonday, February 21, 2011 at 3:03 am 

    Alexis… Wow. What a STUNNING video. I have such a big smile on my face right now! My heart blossomed open at your incredible sharing of your gorgeously feminine self… I feel soothed just from watching. 🙂 Thank you for our lovely journey together! And I am so honored to be walking this path with you. I look forward to seeing you at the Goddess Collective on Thursday night, and for our rescheduled shoot in April. In the meantime… Enjoy your downtime with gusto. (Oh, and I can’t wait to hear more about your community project… It gives me chills every time I hear you talk about it!)

  13. Christina MorassiMonday, February 21, 2011 at 3:03 am 

    Alexis… Wow. What a STUNNING video. I have such a big smile on my face right now! My heart blossomed open at your incredible sharing of your gorgeously feminine self… I feel soothed just from watching. 🙂 Thank you for our lovely journey together! And I am so honored to be walking this path with you. I look forward to seeing you at the Goddess Collective on Thursday night, and for our rescheduled shoot in April. In the meantime… Enjoy your downtime with gusto. (Oh, and I can’t wait to hear more about your community project… It gives me chills every time I hear you talk about it!)

  14. Joshua Gribschaw-BeckMonday, February 21, 2011 at 3:19 am 

    Thank you for expressing all of this! :O) My heart feels warm.

  15. JeanMonday, February 21, 2011 at 3:34 am 

    What I love about you Alexis is your openness to declare your truth. Then you stand by it. It’s the gift of example that can help people be grounded in who they are and soar at the same time. I feel so blessed that we have connected through the Money Map Program!

  16. Julie Jewels EdwardsMonday, February 21, 2011 at 6:46 am 

    Watching this was so beautiful! I am also on what seems to be a wave of creatives recreating!! It’s so awesome to have had the reassurance from your experience to know we are not alone! I am grateful and appreciative of you sharing your video. Christina is going to be doing my photos as well!! Thank you so much for sharing.. <3

  17. Nicola MastersMonday, February 21, 2011 at 9:27 am 

    Alexis, you are stunning. Thank you so much for sharing your truth, this resonated so deeply, as always, when the time is right, the time is right Love Nicola xxx

  18. BarbaraMonday, February 21, 2011 at 5:54 pm 

    Hi Alexis, this video moved me so deeply! Your authenticity and Truth are so radiant and that transmission beams out of you so clearly. I’m new to your fold, and feel welcomed, included and inspired by who you are — it gives permission for all of us to walk into a deeper place. Thank you and bless you for your willingness to open those portals. Love the kick-ass lawyer and Burning Man goddess!
    Barbara
    xox

  19. BarbaraMonday, February 21, 2011 at 5:54 pm 

    Hi Alexis, this video moved me so deeply! Your authenticity and Truth are so radiant and that transmission beams out of you so clearly. I’m new to your fold, and feel welcomed, included and inspired by who you are — it gives permission for all of us to walk into a deeper place. Thank you and bless you for your willingness to open those portals. Love the kick-ass lawyer and Burning Man goddess!
    Barbara
    xox

  20. Olga AuraMonday, February 21, 2011 at 11:52 pm 

    Go Alexis! Courage IS Love! And you are beaming with it. I can relate because I was scared to make a video about the lesson I learned being harassed by a stalker last week. But I did it and feel so liberated to speak up about the Shadow. I say we look fear in the eye and stand our ground. Whoo hoo!

  21. LeaTuesday, February 22, 2011 at 12:24 am 

    I liked this. I’m trying to figure out how to be the laid back type B lawyer and the climb-every-mountain hiker girl. It’s a process.

    I bet the pictures would have been cool if you had them taken in this state of being. Maybe not what you needed for business, but just a nice way to capture this place you are at now.

  22. Jennifer PowterTuesday, February 22, 2011 at 8:54 pm 

    This came at exactly the right time for me. Thank you.
    Hugs and love,
    Jen

  23. Ylva JanssonThursday, February 24, 2011 at 6:22 pm 

    This post really hit home for me. Letting things like vanity, fear and insecurity stand in the way of getting the things done we really need to get done is a very common problem indeed. In this day of video marketing, podcasts and webinars there is nowhere to hide anymore. Either we put ourselves out there “as is” (because without authenticity, what’s the point?) or our businesses flounder and fly away. Thank you for this reminder, Alexis.

  24. Blake Ashley FergusFriday, March 4, 2011 at 2:37 am 

    ALEXIS!!!! You don’t even KNOW how PROFOUND this video is for me….. I AM YOU. I have experienced this VERY THING you are talking about… and it has KEPT ME from shining my light! From stepping out into the world and saying HELLO! I’M HERE!!!! I’ve been so caught up in worrying about what other people are thinking of me and worrying about letting them see me “in the raw” when I am down and am less light than my usual bright self. THANK YOU for this– you are such a beautiful, wonderful Spirit! My cousin Tiffany Peterson sent me to you… I am so glad she did!!! I also live in Colorado and I want to hear more about this Conscious Community! I have DREAMT of such a thing and am SO ready to help co-create it!!!! I would love more info if you want to email me at [email protected] LOTS OF LOVE AND LIGHT GODDESS!!! 🙂

  25. SierraFriday, March 4, 2011 at 9:43 pm 

    You are Divine. So glad to be seeing the Burningman Goddess evolve even more. You are equally both and it is an honor to share this path into the feminine with you. You are always in my heart!

    XO Sierra

  26. Stacelynn CaughlanSaturday, March 5, 2011 at 7:37 pm 

    Alexis, thank you for sharing such a raw side of yourself. Here’s to the “Bad Ass Type A Lawyer and Burning Man Goddess” club!

  27. CtoupinSunday, March 6, 2011 at 8:02 pm 

    Amazing video Alexis! It is so refreshing when you can allow yourself to be transparent and vulnerable in front of the community who follows you. My respect for you and the work that you do, just rose hugely as a result. INTENTIONAL COMMUNITY! In light of the coming days, what an important message for our world. Thank you.

    Cathy Toupin

  28. Robin WestSunday, March 6, 2011 at 11:27 pm 

    Wow Alexis,
    I am so glad to hear of your awareness of this circumstance. The future has the potential to be frightening, or it could be the most exciting development in our lifetimes!
    Economies need to be life-sustaining and life-enhancing.
    The people who run the systems that used to help us, have decided that instead of systems supporting people, people need to support systems. This is a mutation.
    They need lessons in logic: without people, systems will collapse. Systems will cease to exist unless they have a practical function. Therefore, the systems that are not working, are indeed, collapsing. We are the ones we are waiting for! Hooray for conscious communities!!
    I’d sure love to talk to you more about this. I live in a very interesting community, with our own people-powered radio station: http://www.kmud.org. You’d love it, as well as the country here in the mountains and redwoods of Humboldt County, California.

  29. Nanette SaylorMonday, March 7, 2011 at 1:22 pm 

    Thank you, Alexis, for sharing your heart, your soul, your vision and your beautiful, beautiful strength and truth. Blessings to you!

  30. Samantha FlickThursday, March 17, 2011 at 11:22 pm 

    Hope this isn’t going to come off as too harsh, but I thought the (over?)explanation of priorities, etc. in relation to your appearance was almost laughable. Not because they weren’t valid reasons for ‘not taking care’ of it but because I literally clicked on this video, thinking “WOW, Alexis is looking better than ever…wonder what she’s been doing!” No freakin’ joke.

    But here comes the heartfelt criticism, and you may or may not agree… I feel like focusing on how ‘not up to par’ you think you look, you could be playing to, if not reinforcing the possible insecurities of your audience around not looking how they think they should look to appeal to what their mainstream culture would deem attractive.

    Obviously, you are just being you and I adore your honesty, but (and this is something I do, so I can’t find fault with it) it just kind of seems like you are over apologizing in a way that is garnering more attention (at least from me) to your insecurities, rather than the underlying message. Maybe you know on some level just how great you look now, and you need the outside approval to reflect it back to you so you can truly experience and accept your own, unequivocal physical beauty.

    Of course, maybe you planned it to meet your audience where they are; insecure, vulnerable, possibly defensive. (I don’t mean it like you are manipulative, but I mean on some subconscious level.) But I feel like the time has come for you, especially looking as radiant and healthy as you do, to move beyond this focal point, even when it is somewhat relevant.

    Sure, it’s not unhealthy to get your nails done and put on make up and all that- it’s a fun novelty/ritual, but I feel like these things only accentuate what we are not, and should be the exception, rather than the norm. Granted, this is coming from someone who has always erred on the side of being cheap & lazy, rather than girly, put-together & hygienic. lol.

    Anyway, I had never really thought of the whole economic collapse/community thing until now, so thank you for opening my eyes to that. I think you really planted a seed in me & others that could really blossom in important ways.

    Much Love.

  31. AnonymousFriday, March 18, 2011 at 2:05 am 

    I love this response, thanks Sami.

  32. AnonymousFriday, March 18, 2011 at 2:05 am 

    Yay for the both/and. 🙂

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