Are These Two Reactions Holding You Back?

girlOver the past several weeks, I’ve been grappling with an idea that has been at the periphery of my awareness consistently, yet elusively, at least as far as writing about it goes.

It all started on my 35th birthday with the whole Motrin Moms thing, which I am reluctant to dredge back up, but at the same time feel somewhat unresolved with, so I feel that reluctance along with a simultaneous compulsion to write about it and get it resolved.

It has to do with taking things personally and being outraged, but I have not been able to put my finger on what I wanted to say about those things.

Until this past week when I momentarily took something personally and became outraged (which I’ll tell you all about in a minute) and then became aware that its taking things personally and being easily outraged that most block our emotional and financial well-being and growth.

When we take things personally and are easily outraged, we become stuck.

The less I take things personally and get outraged about anything, the happier I am in life and the more I am able to manifest on the physical plane.

The less I take things personally and get outraged, the healthier I feel. The more content, I am, without dulling my ambitious nature.

I am able to stay ambitious, driven and on-purpose, but with an overall sense of calm knowing that everything is all right.

The frenetic need to make things happen and the constant fear that somehow I am missing something or missing out on something decreases each day I maintain my center and don’t take things personally or move into outrage.

I’ve spent the last several years learning a lot about personal growth and spirituality.  And, it seems to me that everyone wants the same experience, for the most part.

Peace, contentment, satisfaction, and joy.

The path to these experiences is different for everyone … or maybe it’s not.  Maybe, all it takes (as if it were that easy!) is to not take things personally and not get outraged so easily.

I am able to see that taking things personally and getting outraged easily are signposts for my personal degree of awareness.

When I see these signposts in my own experience, it means I’ve fallen asleep, lost consciousness in the literal sense, on the spiritual plane.  Just as the ability to stay centered and calm, even when  I disagree with someone or some event, is one of my signposts for wellness, prosperity, abundance.

It’s like there are two versions of Alexis – the little Alexis and the big Alexis.  When I am aware, I am operating at a higher frequency, my responses are thought through with love and compassion.  For myself and those around me.

When I’m not, little Alexis shows up and makes all the decisions.  Reaction city.  Reactions to annoyances that are more dramatic than necessary.

This all crystallized for me this past Tuesday when I woke up and got an email from Dave saying that he had missed his flight.

My initial, knee-jerk reaction was outrage, judgment, fear, and anger.  My mind screamed “how could he be so stupid” and asked “what’s wrong with him?”

I took his plight personally.  Momentarily, I even made it my fault.  I should have checked his ticket and noticed the date.  How could I let this happen? Then, I snapped out of the patterned response and asked God to show me the way to compassion, love and release.

Within a short time,  I was able to remind myself that he’s a grown man who does not need mommy to monitor his travel plans or to fix this for him.

I halted my outrage in its tracks and reminded myself that it had nothing to do with me.  This was his experience and he’d handle it.  All I had to do is sit back and watch what happened.

I didn’t need to fix it, judge it, or worry about it.

Here’s the cool thing, he handled it great!  Far better than he would have if I’d been harping on him that he did something “wrong” and shared my initial reactions with him.

Instead, when I talked to him, I transformed my anger into compassion, told him that I was so sorry for his being stuck in the airport on Christmas and that I loved him.

I’ll let him tell you the whole story himself, but the short of it is that it was a wild ride that ended up with him flying first class all the way through from Los Angeles and getting to Massachusetts in time for his family’s Christmas party.

It definitely would not have come out as well had I gotten outraged, as was my first inclination.

The bottom line?

Notice when you are taking things personally and getting outraged.  Make the conscious decision to not do it.  Ask for the guidance you need to replace those thoughts and emotions with compassion and love, for yourself and those around you.

So, to bring this all back around to the way I started, referencing the Motrin Moms dealio, which brought all of this up for me in the first place.

When I wrote the Motrin moms post, what I intended to say is what I’ve written here.

What was heard by the mommy community was quite different.  So different, in fact, that when one of my team members approached a few moms to write about the work I’m doing to put in place legal plans that ensure kids are taken care of in the right way and the free website I’ve created where parents can name legal guardians for their kids free, she was told “hell no” (and a few other choice words I won’t write here because this is a family blog) because this mom was still upset about my role in the whole Motrin Moms situation.

Then, I heard that another mom apparently emailed the entire Silicon Valley Moms Blog community, where I used to blog for the LA Moms Blog and told them to NEVER do anything with me again. (For the record, I have not independently verified this – it could be just a rumor).

Wow.  That’s some serious outrage.

As I thought about this and whether I should try and get through to these outraged moms, I decided that some people are my people, some people are not my people.  And, I take none of it personally.


  1. Jessica GottliebSaturday, December 27, 2008 at 8:36 pm 

    Actually, it was me. It wasn’t all the LA Moms, and here’s the message I sent when you’d hired someone I know to try and get you into Parenting Magazines.

    “Not in a million years
    Bitch sandbagged me

    Ask her how hooters is

    Sent from my iPhone”

    I stand by it. I’m fiercely loyal and understand that the worst part of womanhood is divisive women. I guess with a few years on you, I’ve had my a-ha moment about rage and taking things personally.

    You might find that part B includes a little housecleaning, and being 100% sure that the people in your life are deserving of a spot. I’m real clear and if people ask me for my opinion or help, I’m honest with them.

    So, yeah, it was me, and I was just being honest.

  2. CandiceSunday, December 28, 2008 at 6:09 am 

    Wow, that’s ugly. I didn’t necessarily agree with your opinion about the Motrin ad, but to blackball you from a community for your opinion is just dumb. You really are better off just moving forward and away from the pettiness. Sometimes you have to create a stir to see how people are going to respond and then act accordingly.

  3. Amy MiyamotoSunday, December 28, 2008 at 5:26 pm 

    Alexis, I appreciate your willingness to be vulnerable about your experience here. I have found that there are really only two states of being – love and fear. I applaud you for focusing on staying aligned with love and detaching from fear. It has also been helpful for me to embrace the fact that I really only have control over my own thoughts, feelings, and actions. With that, I focus each day on showing up in alignment with my highest intentions of being an example of light in the world. Thank you for shining your light.

  4. MarySunday, December 28, 2008 at 5:51 pm 

    I remember reading your Motrin Moms post and agreeing 100%. That is truly unfortunate the backlash you’ve suffered. I made my opinion known at the time, but not on my blog. I wonder if people are harboring such ill feelings of me. But I’d rather be true to myself than to worry about how others will feel about me. And I agree with you on this post as well, Alexis. I’ve learned in my life that allowing negative feelings to rule never leads to a good outcome. I’m glad you were able to enjoy Christmas with Dave.

  5. Debbie FranklinSunday, December 28, 2008 at 6:25 pm 

    Hi Alexis,

    I have been following you for awhile, but really tuned in after reading your post on attending Ali Brown’s workshop. I was there and you put in words exactly what I came away with from attending.

    I struggled for years making decisions based on what other people thought — I took things so personally…what others thought of me, what I did, how I lived etc. I allowed people’s opinions to rule my life.

    I read a book several years ago called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. One of the agreements: “Don’t take anything personally.” He states: “Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”

    Everyone comes from their own experiences, programming, and influences in their life.

    I no longer take things personally (I still have those little moments, occasionally) but, I realized I would rather respond with love and compassion than react with outrage, fear and judgment any day!

    I wish you much success in 2009 and look forward to watching you achieve all of your dreams.

    Keep sharing who you are!

  6. charlieSunday, December 28, 2008 at 6:31 pm 

    Alexis–You continue to educate, inspire and mentor with integrity and great depth. As I have been reminded by many of our mastermind peers,”Let the dogs bark, the caravan is movin’ on !”.We love you and Dave and wish you both a wonderful new year.

  7. Sarah HurtyMonday, December 29, 2008 at 8:07 pm 

    Hi Alexis,

    This post set me off on a link journey regarding the issue of child pornography. My goodness, I agree completely — all that outrage that we are capable of could be put to much better use if we collectively focused our efforts on the child pornography problem.

    I know exactly what you mean, Alexis, about being centered and using annoyance and other cues to let us know when we are losing that center.

    At the same time, I also believe that being completely centered will result in a good, wholesome anger or outrage against clear evils. It is a fascinating experience to feel outrage against evil, enough to take strong action against it, while at the same time remaining calm and clear internally — centered — making room even for compassion for the perpetrators and hope for their redemption.

    So I don’t think centeredness eliminates all anger, but sources it in goodness and channels it healthfully. It does eliminate anger that is sourced in our own pride or tendency to make everything be about us.

    What I would like to ask now is, how can all of us band together to get healthfully outraged against child pornography and get something constructive done? Much more fun than reacting to a Motrin ad :-).

    Sarah Hurty

  8. Amy MiyamotoMonday, November 9, 2009 at 12:10 pm 

    Alexis, I appreciate your willingness to be vulnerable about your experience here. I have found that there are really only two states of being – love and fear. I applaud you for focusing on staying aligned with love and detaching from fear. It has also been helpful for me to embrace the fact that I really only have control over my own thoughts, feelings, and actions. With that, I focus each day on showing up in alignment with my highest intentions of being an example of light in the world. Thank you for shining your light.

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