Can you relate when I talk about numbness?
Looking back on my 35 years with honesty, I’ve been mostly numb for a lot of it because the pain of feeling was too intense.
At 28, after years in an unhappy marriage that I was committed to staying in at all costs, I decided it would be fine if I just never had sex again. That’s how shut down I was.
Fortunately, I had an experience that made me realize how crazy that was and just how numb I had become. My body had literally shut off and when it began to come back alive, it was a massive shock to my system.
Shortly thereafter, I was divorced and rediscovering how to connect with myself, what it felt like to live inside my body, how to allow my body to become my own internal compass, and find all the answers I had spent years looking outside of myself for.
I’ll be sharing a whole lot more about this in the future and how you can turn your body into your primary guidance system, but for now, I want to let you in on what I’ve discovered about how I’ve been inadvertently passing on this numbness to my kids and you might be too.
Recently, we’ve been having some challenges come up with our nanny.
The long and the short of it for the purpose of this discussion is that Kaia doesn’t like my nanny. Now, this is a huge inconvenience because our nanny is very good at taking care of the kids, getting dinner on the table and keeping things happening in an orderly fashion in our house. Finding a new nanny and getting her trained is going to be a pain in the a$$, so I’ve been exploring with Kaia whether there is someway we can make this work.
My first inclination was to brush off her feelings completely. “Oh, she’s not going to like anyone we hire because it’s not me” I told myself.
Then, I tried to give Kaia all the examples of the nice things the nanny does for her and helps her with.
Finally, I started asking her why.
Her response, “I don’t know, mommy, I just don’t feel like I like her.” And that’s when it hit me that I was being presented with the perfect opportunity to honor my daughter’s feelings and not pass on the numbness that so many of us experience as part of our daily, unexamined existence.
If I continued to dismiss Kaia’s feelings or try to get her to change them out of my own desire for convenience, I would be passing down the inheritance of numbness. Instead, I made the conscious decision to break the cycle.
So, even though it’s a massive inconvenience, we are in the market for a new nanny. If you happen to be looking for a great nanny in the South Bay area, I’ve got someone for you. She’s super sweet, reliable, and trustworthy. She’s great, my kid just doesn’t like her and because I want to teach her to trust her feelings, I’m going to honor that.