Day 4 – Who Lives With You?

meditateIt’s day 4 of the 40 Days and Nights Program with @davidmorelli and @kristinmorelli of the Everything is Energy radio show and I’m rockin and rollin. 🙂

I’m here in Longmont, Colorado (outside of Boulder) at my girlfriend Martha’s house.

Martha is one of the girlfriends I talked about several weeks ago.  Like Martha, her house is absolutely beautiful and even with 8 kids here somehow it manages to seem hardly messy at all.

Martha’s in law school at University of Denver, studying for her last final and working on a domestic violence case for which she is guardian ad litem.  She’s handling all of it with far more poise and calm than I would have when I was in law school.

While I’m still feeling a little overwhelmed by the food and exercise commitments I’ve made, they are eased by being with my girlfriends who know how to do things like make salads and healthy meals (these are things that boggle my mind!) and make sure I’m adequately fed.

So much great stuff happened yesterday, that I’m not even sure where to start.  I’m definitely shifting a whole lot of energy as part of the 40 Days and Nights Program with Kristin and David Morelli.

Okay, so let’s start with the email I received from my nanny.

As you’ll recall, we’ve been having some challenges in this area.  Notably, my daughter has been telling me for a long while that she just doesn’t like the nanny and I had decided to make a switch, realizing that truthfully I haven’t been getting my needs met either.

Truth be told, we all knew 6 months ago that it wasn’t working, but I kept trying to make it work because my mind told me it was easier to stick with what I had than to start the whole process of finding someone new again.

How often have you done that? With relationships?  And employees? With houses and offices.  Of course, we all do!

Our minds trick us in this way.  Because the truth is, you know when you are merely tolerating something and when you really LOVE something.  Right?

Far too many of us are merely tolerating.

Side note:  At Ali Brown’s Platinum Mastermind meeting, she walked us through a release of tolerations exercise and this is when I started to get really clear about how I was holding back the joy I could have in my life by holding on to things I was merely tolerating and didn’t really love.

So, anyway, I’ve been tolerating the nanny.  I could tell she wasn’t happy working for us, but I could also feel she was trying to make it work.

Well, the whole truth about how unhappy she really is came out last night and boy was it a doozy.  She wrote me an email that can only be called a crucifixion!

Before I left for Colorado, I let her know how unhappy I was about her energy in the house.  I was no longer willing to tolerate it and if she was going to be with us another 6 weeks, I needed it to be different.

What I heard from our discussion is that it couldn’t be different.  I got that she was doing the best she could.

I also became strongly aware that it just wasn’t good enough and I was done compromising.  I told her I’d begin looking for someone else right away instead of trying to stick it out another 6 weeks.  What I didn’t know then is how quickly I’d have to find that someone else!

Part of our meditation in the 40days program was to really take a look at the people closest to us in our life.  Energy is contagious.

And the energy my nanny was putting out was clearly rubbing off on me.  It wasn’t something I could tolerate any longer.

Well, the Universe has a way of giving us exactly what we need, doesn’t it?

Yesterday, my ex-husband had an incident with a friend of the nanny’s who was doing her homework in my living room after he had specifically told the nanny he didn’t want anyone at the house while we were away.  (In case you didn’t know, my ex-husband lives in the garage apartment behind our house).  Basically, he told her she had to leave.

This incident apparently triggered a lot of emotions for my nanny and she wrote me a scathing email.

I won’t go into the details, but suffice it to say she ripped me apart as a mother and a business woman, totally judged my relationship with my kids, my relationship with my ex, and pretty much everything else about me. Ouch.

In the past, reading it I would have been outraged and hurt.

But, this time, I wasn’t.  I was grateful for her email.  Sure, it was painful to read some of what she wrote.   Much if tapped right into the guilt feelings I carry around as a mom entrepreneur trying to have it all and do it all.

Mostly I was grateful though because these are longheld feelings that she’s been stuffing down to try and make it work.  And it was these feelings that my kids felt and the reason they didn’t like her.  And it was these feelings that were seeping negative energy into our house.

So, I thanked her for her thoughts and told her that not only did she not have to live up to her commitment to give us 4 weeks notice, but that she wouldn’t have to spend another day caring for my kids.  I definitely don’t want her around my kids feeling like she does about me and my family and my way of parenting!

So, I’m going to figure it out – somehow.  I know God will provide all the support I need.  And even though I’m going on a week long vacation without my kids and leaving a week from Monday (!) I know it’ll all work out a-ok!

In the meantime, take a look at who’s living in your house, both figuratively and literally.  You are a reflection of the people who are closest to you.  What energies are they putting out?  What energy are you tolerating around you?  You don’t have to do it anymore.  Focus on raising your energy and watch how the people who can’t match that energy one by one drop away.

Side note #2: this process has been an ongoing process for me since my divorce and what I’ve learned is that as I raise my energy, people have dropped away.  Back in the beginning when that happened, I thought it was permanent.  That anyone who dropped away would be gone forever.  I’ve come to know that’s not true.  As an example, my ex-husband dropped away until he could raise his energy vibration to a point where we could be around each other again and now we have an amazing, supportive, loving relationship.  So, don’t worry too much about losing people who are really important to you as you raise your own energetic vibration.  If they are supposed to be in your life, they will come back when they are ready.

Okay, time to go play with the kids.  I didn’t even get a chance to tell you how in the midst of all this I manifested a Mercedes!  I’ll have to save that for later or tomorrow.  It’s an exciting story that really goes to show you how perfect it all really is when you open up to the possibilities.

Oh, and how I taught my son that people like to be around friendly, easy-going, fun people and that’s okay to be angry, pissed off and frustrated, but that it’s probably a good idea to take quiet time alone when you feel that way because people don’t really enjoy being around angry, frustrated pissed off people.  More on that another time too.

Photo credit: Makani5


  1. Melissa Multitasking MamaSaturday, May 2, 2009 at 5:34 pm 

    I read this at just the right time. There is someone in my life whose energy never brings positive vibes or anything else positive into my life. I needed the reassurance that setting my boundaries can also mean that person may reappear when they are able to bring their energy level positive…great post!

  2. Lizzie LarockSaturday, May 2, 2009 at 7:27 pm 

    Hi Alexis. Another great blog post! Wow – I could really identify with it. We had an au pair live with us for two years and I definitely tolerated way too much! She and I had it out on more than one occasion and I always went back to tolerating some of the things that really frustrated me. Although many people advised against it, I was thrilled to have my house back to our immediate family even though it meant giving up some of the perks of live in help. Now I’ve got a situation with my daytime babysitter and I feel empowered after your post to not just “tolerate” the situation, but rather to communicate how I feel and find some win-win solutions.

  3. bethSunday, May 3, 2009 at 12:26 am 

    Good carma goes a long way. I have learned not to dismiss every criticism, and not to accept all of it either. When someone says something bad, take a step away and evaluate yourself. If you hear it from more than one person, raise your attention level and think twice. Ask yourself, how many nannies have I had and where there any themes?

  4. heidiSunday, May 3, 2009 at 3:11 am 

    I tolerated 3 years (she was with us for 10) I came out as well as the B_ ,but she is now in a better situation than we could ever possibly have. Honesty is always the best policy. You will find the perfect fit at this time or whenever else you have to change again. With time, needs and people change, some people are resistant or denying it or unwilling. When finding a new nanny,each time is learning more about what you and your family needs and what that person is able to give. We’ve had 2 since and I’ll be looking for another this summer. Still working on a better X situation- LOVING your posts! Keeping you in prayer…

  5. HonoreeSunday, May 3, 2009 at 3:05 pm 

    Hi! I’m in the 40 day class with you. Thank you for sharing your story. I really love the distinction about raising one’s vibration and if someone is meant to be around, they will eventually be there. Here’s to the next 34 days! Go us! Honoree Corpron Corder, Author, The Successful Single Mom.

  6. Lindsay GriffithsMonday, May 4, 2009 at 1:54 pm 

    Hi Alexis – great post! I’m wondering if you know one of my favorite bloggers, Jen Wright, through twitter (@MissIve). She wrote an interesting post this weekend about Ayelet Waldman and her new book “Bad Mother.” If you haven’t seen it, you may want to check it out – your post made me think of hers. It looks like she’s hosting a conversation with Ayelet a week from today –

    I’ll keep enjoying your posts!!

  7. DebWednesday, July 1, 2009 at 8:47 pm 

    Why is it so damn hard to just be in the world? Why do we have to “raise our energy” or “devote 3 -4 hours of focus time” to our kids? Stop the vapid pursuit of fame and wealth. Just get real and simple and stop trying to get Mercedes Benzes and reality shows and you’ll be happy. It’s so simple that I can’t even write it out.

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