A lot of times when I write here, it’s to remind myself of the truth. This is one of those times.
Last year’s big lesson was “boundaries.” How to set them with an open heart. That’s the razor’s edge I’m talking about.
This year’s is shaping up to be “don’t settle” and it’s rocking my world at the deepest level.
Bringing up all sorts of stuff I’ve been trying really hard not to look at. For a long time.
I’ve settled a lot because I was scared and willing to take what came along or hang on to what I already had because that felt safer.
It’s a lie. It’s not safer.
It’s the worst thing we can possibly due to ourselves because it stops the flow and cuts off all possibilities.
Once we settle and say “good enough” that’s what we get, good enough. Not spectacular. Not incredible. Not phenomenal.
And you never get to taste blow the roof off.
Blow the roof off is worth not settling. It’s worth stepping through your greatest fears of being alone, being bitchy, being demanding, and high maintenance.
You deserve to be high maintenance.
Now that I think of it, men don’t seem to have this problem as much as women.
Men are either okay with settling or they don’t settle. It seems only to be us women who wrestle with this like we do. (Men! Let me know if I’m wrong and this is a struggle for you too.)
Women seem to get into this place when they are not getting their needs met of blaming themselves and being willing to revise their needs based on what they are getting.
I remember talking about this with my sister about a year ago.
She had these needs that were not getting met by her relationship with her boyfriend and instead of talking to him about it and letting him know, she said “But, maybe I just shouldn’t need what I need.”
Then, it came up again when she and I were out looking for a new place for her this past weekend. She found a place that would have been “good enough” – well, except for the fact that it was on the first floor in a not so hot neighborhood! And she was going to take it rather than holding out for perfect, which she had already seen, but had fallen through.
She KNEW perfect was out there and yet was willing to take good enough rather than be patient.
What a wake up call for me to see that.
In that instant, I saw all the ways that I have settled in exactly the same way. I judge myself, my wants, my needs and pull back because it hurts people’s feelings when they can’t meet them and they think I’m disappointed.
I shrink. I withhold disappointment. I tell myself “it’s fine” when it’s really not.
I’ve seen what it looks like to have my needs met and I know it’s possible. But ONLY if I hold out and be willing to be alone and scared (and every other thing I’m afraid of that results in me settling) until BLOW THE ROOF OFF comes along.
I don’t have to settle for good enough. And neither do you.
Not in your business. Not in your life. Not at all.
In a couple of days, after I get through this insanity that’s coming up for me as I confront this current fear set, I’ll be back with my sure-fire way for manifesting BLOW THE ROOF off so you aren’t tempted to settle anymore.
Until then, share with me your stories of not settling and getting exactly what you wanted so I can get some inspiration for letting go of things that are really comfortable and safe in exchange for WOO-Freakin’-HOO!