How Can I Not? Moving Through Resistance.

The Oprah Show Host contest is taunting me.  At least 10 people have emailed me, tweeted me, facebook’d me or otherwise told me about the thing.

Yes, I’ve talked about having a show for years.  Yes, this would be a great opportunity to get out there and allow it to happen.  Yes, yes, yes.

But, the timing really sucks.

I have 100% devoted myself to the deconstruction and reconstruction of my company so I can bring love to the legal process in a big way by training lawyers on a massive scale and designating some of them as lawyers you can really love.

The deconstruction/reconstruction means I have very little creative energy remaining for anything else.

As you can tell, I’ve barely been writing on the bloggity and what I have written has been pretty surface.  Don’t think I haven’t known it.

But, it’s what’s been happening.  The focus on this business and the work I’m doing is utilizing almost every ounce of creative energy I have.

Focus has always been difficult for me because of this.  My creative energy is HUGE and doesn’t always feel fully expressed when focusing on one thing.

What’s interesting is that when I saw my dear friend Baeth Davis (the Hand Analyst) recently, she grabbed my hands, looked at them for a brief second (don’t ask her to do this for you without paying her, she gets beaucoup bucks for a reading) and said something along the lines of …

“Wow, you have a very intense ability to focus. You need to focus on big, huge problems or your mind will create them all around you.”

Ummhmm, yep.  That’s true.

Anyway, that means that even though I’m exceedingly focused on my business training lawyers you love, my mind is wanting to engage in a lot of mental activity about all the other things there are for me to do in the world.

I’ve been good at ignoring this chatter for the past couple of months.  Less time on Twitter, less focused on my other businesses.

Head down, devotion to the lawyers.

And then Oprah showed up with her contest.  A contest I am so resistant to enter it must be exactly what I’m supposed to do next to move forward with my OWN evolution.

Did I ever mention that I met with the folks at OWN 12-18 months ago about my show concept?  I just knew it was supposed to be there.  The perfect fit.

In person, they loved me. They loved the concept for the show.  Then, we got into the treatment and notes and I gave away my power.

I didn’t hold firm to my vision. I let others take it over and it got muddied.  I wasn’t ready.

They passed.

I was so disappointed. I don’t know if I ever really acknowledged that before now, but I was.

And now I’m scared to try again.

What if I try (so publicly!) and don’t get it. Again.

I’m scared it would be the end of my dream.  I’d never be able to try again.  And I know this show is supposed to be a reality.

What if I’m still not ready?

I know these thoughts and this fear is not the truth.  I also know that success is a series of tryings again and again.  And, yet, it’s so hard to take the action necessary to keep trying.

But, when  I think about the possibility for the world of this show, I know I have to push through the fear and the resistance.

And then the voice comes that says I’m full of shit and my show isn’t that special.  It’s trying to protect me, that voice.  It really does have my best interest at heart and doesn’t want to see me hurt.

My opportunity is to hear that voice, be aware of it and bring love to it.  Pay attention to it and recognize it as a protective part of me, a thought I don’t have to believe.

As I do this, my body relaxes and I remember how important this show is.  To the world.

(It makes me not be able to breathe to say that and at the same time, I can feel the truth of it so deeply.)

And to the lawyers I train.  This show is important to them too.  They want to be loved.  They deserve to be loved.  This show will help with that.

Here’s what it’s about:

Conflict is the order of the day in almost everyone’s life.

We don’t talk about it publicly (for the most part), but it’s a constant beneath the surface.

We’ve become so used to conflict that we think it’s normal.

Normal to fight with our spouses.
Normal to fight with our parents.
Normal to fight with our siblings.
Normal to fight with our neighbors.
Normal to fight with our co-workers.

It’s time for a new normal.

This show that wants to emerge through me will help people see there is a clear path to happiness and everything else you ever wanted in life.

Take this path and  you will naturally lose weight, your face will look ten years younger (at least!), you will live longer.

Take this path and finally feel what it feels like to feel free, free at the deepest core of your being.  Free.

With this show, I intend to take us down the path to the ultimate in internal resolution.

This show will show people how to stop fighting.

Yep, that’s it.  Stop fighting.

We want world peace?  Let’s start with peace in our own homes, in our own lives, in our own psyches.

It’s both that simple and that difficult.

Our friends and family egg us on, as if it’s normal – “take him for all he’s worth” or “don’t let her get away with that” or a myriad of other statements that support conflict escalation.

Our legal system is incentivized to escalate conflict.

Even during my “collaborative” divorce, my husband’s lawyer was urging him to keep arguing over a $1,000 item near the end of our divorce process.

And that was a lawyer trained to be “collaborative.”

Fighting, conflict, escalation is so ingrained in our world.

It’s the ultimate physical manifestation of our unconscious behavior.  And we think it’s okay.

This show will help us all see a new reality.  A reality that is free of fighting, conflict, guilt, shame and fear.

Imagine that.

Imagine a world in which we all knew the truth about conflict.  A world in which we could see that all conflict is an opportunity for personal healing and transformation at the deepest level.

Heal your conflict and watch the weight drop off.  Forgive and watch the wrinkles melt away.  Give love and watch the aches and pains disappear.

This show is the anti-Judge Judy and People’s Court.  Not that I don’t love those shows, I do.  Deeply.  The drama, the conflict, the intensity.

I might not have become a lawyer were it not for the People’s Court.

But what if we could have just as much excitement and drama and at the same time heal the world from the inside out?

I can feel it.  We can do it.  This show is part of the path.

I’m scared that I can’t do it. That I will fail in my mission. That I will not get the show. That I will not be able to be clear enough about the vision.

Or that I will get the show and then I will not be able to hold the space for the truth to be seen.

That I will give away my power, like I did last time I got in front of OWN.

But, how can I not do this?

This vision is too important and God gave it to me for a reason.

As an evolutionary entrepreneur, I must keep growing, keep expanding through the fear.

So I told God I would do it, but only if it can be fun and serve my lawyers because I am dedicated to the reconstruction of this company right now.

And I see the Universe conspiring to make it happen.

First, recommendation after recommendation to read Steven Pressfield’s book the War of Art.  A book I had never heard of before now that I’ve now seen at least 10 times in the past two days, even though it came out in 2002.

It’s guiding me to see the truth about the resistance.  And why I must do this. And why I must also reconstruct the company.  That I can do both.

Then, the perfect producer showed up.  A woman I helped resolve a conflict New Year’s weekend 2009.  She gets my work because she experienced it first-hand.  She loves it and she’s full of love and fun.

So I am moving through the resistance.  Doing my part to allow this to happen.  Being willing to put myself out there and try again, even though I’m scared to death to do it and to do it so publicly.

Your support is so welcome.  A word.  A thought.  A vote once I get the video posted. Anything you’ve got to help me see this through is welcome.

I’m going to do it.  How can I not?


  1. Courtney MartinSaturday, June 5, 2010 at 5:08 pm 

    Alexis Martin Neely: you are one of the strongest, can-do-it-ist, women I know – one who I frequently look to for inspiration. You can definitely do this! Go get it. And remember it's not the outcome that matters but the journey. (Oh, and, I love you!)

  2. paulkleinSaturday, June 5, 2010 at 8:42 pm 

    Hi Alexis,

    You've had the vision and dream. Put it all into motion now.

    You don't need 100's of comments here to tell you that you can. You already know you have the abilities, mindset, and determination.

    But hey, some encouragement sure helps. Besides, you still are an inspiration to those who follow you.

    Now go knock this one outta the park!

    Best regards,
    Paul Klein

  3. Amethyst WyldfyreSaturday, June 5, 2010 at 9:42 pm 

    Beautiful One – Remember that ALL is Well – that in the holding of the dream whilst standing in the current reality – creative tension comes ALIVE – it is through this that the ENERGY is generated to propel you forward into your VISION – your TELE- Vision if that is what is in alignment with your highest destiny. Know that all love surrounds you and the PEACE is IN YOU. Go in with grace, exactly on time – free of fear, open and receptive to what is and what is unfolding. Do that which is yours to do – and know that ANYTIME you desire to change what is – you are POWERFUL enough to do just that! Remember that you can do this on YOUR time – self or externally imposed pressure to complete is almost as deleterious to your being as pressure to compete. Know too that if this IS the right time – the exact right time – then ALL will line up magnificently to support you (but then again – you already knew that didn't you?) Love lights us…. Peace is in you!

  4. KyraSaturday, June 5, 2010 at 10:25 pm 

    Alexis, I believe in you. And I know that you know that failing once is the Universe's way of seeing if you're really serious about it. You MUST try again. Don't worry about the outcome. At this point, the process of moving forward is what's most important. Worry about the rest as it unveils. I am so aligned with your vision it's crazy. About 15 years ago I wanted to set out writing a volume/treatise on how to bring peace to the world, looking at each country one at a time in terms of conflict resolution. At the time it seemed like a pipe dream, but I believe that with everyone's positive energy focused on a goal, anything can be achieved. It is your obligation to follow through with your strengths and gifts, no matter the bumps along the road. Can't wait to see more!

  5. vaXzineSunday, June 6, 2010 at 1:15 am 

    Step into the light.. and I want to be a guest on your show! ( talk about the real war of ART.)

  6. alexisneelySunday, June 6, 2010 at 1:58 am 

    Kyra, thank you for being so in alignment and for believing in me so deeply. I appreciate your support so much!

  7. alexisneelySunday, June 6, 2010 at 1:58 am 

    Amethyst, thank you for this beautiful prayer. My heart has opened in love reading it.

  8. alexisneelySunday, June 6, 2010 at 1:59 am 

    Thanks Paul. You are right, I don't NEED the comments, but the encouragement sure does help a lot! 🙂

  9. alexisneelySunday, June 6, 2010 at 1:59 am 

    I love you Courtney Blair.

  10. Nathalie LussierSunday, June 6, 2010 at 2:19 am 

    You are going to do it Alexis, I have no doubt in my mind. I love that you're back to blogging and working through the resistance.. you rock. 🙂

  11. nancymyrlandSunday, June 6, 2010 at 2:24 am 

    Dear Alexis, you are so human in your emotions that you are…well…human!! Everything you are feeling is normal, and comes from that safe (but uneasy) spot inside that wants you to crawl up with it and stay warm. Trust me, I know!!! 😉 I'm much better at encouraging people to move in the right direction than I am myself, so here I go!

    If, in your heart and soul, you want to do this, so much so that you can almost taste it, and that it makes you nervous and tight in the stomach, but at the same time very excited, then you just have to do it!!

    I have complete confidence in you that you can do this. If, for some reason, you don't get the show, that definitely doesn't mean you can't do it, only that the OWN people can't do it! Heavens, you could walk in to a studio in 5 minutes and handle the show, so I know it's not you.

    You've been talking about this for as long as I've know you, which isn't as long as it's been festering inside of you, so you should probably just give in and give it everything you have to get it done to see where it goes. You have a team of great people, and have access to many who care very much about your happiness, so if this means they have to help carry you through your other businesses, then so be it. You won't let your dreams falter. You will still provide the vision and the passion for your business, and your lawyers, and the rest of us, will feel loved. You aren't capable of making people feel anything less than that.

    Do what you really want to do, because if you don't, just think about how much worse that feeling will be when you regret not trying again, and again if need be. If there's anything I can do to help nudge or guide you, you can rest assured I'm a call, an email, a visit or a Tweet away, okay?!

    BIG hugs to you my friend! 🙂

  12. LoriSunday, June 6, 2010 at 4:44 pm 

    You go girl!

  13. Timothy DukesSunday, June 6, 2010 at 9:39 pm 

    I would offer you this; sit in the center of the perceived conflict while embracing the entirety of it all with your consciousness and breath.
    Wishing you well, Tim

  14. TJMonday, June 7, 2010 at 2:33 am 

    I'm speechless at your vision. I'm sitting here in my own world of conflict – I normally face my life with a great and high attitude, but this is one of my down moments where it's just too heavy – a painful divorce, a full schedule of crazy work that feels like it'll take every ounce of energy 24/7 for the next several months, the income isn't there to justify the work, I've got to get organized so I can function, I've been neglecting my joy and spirituality and the list goes on and on. But something piqued my interest when you posted this link on FB, and now I feel a huge burden is lifted. I can face my next task at hand, then sleep well, then take care of tomorrow, and I can just do it in lightness and peace because I have the same vision you have. You just reawakened it in me. Thank you so much. If nothing else, your discussion has already touched lives, certainly more than just mine. I hope you go for the show, but whatever you choose, it'll be right. 🙂

  15. alexisneelyMonday, June 7, 2010 at 5:58 pm 

    TJ, thank you so much for sharing your experience. Your comment has filled me with joy, hope and continued inspiration. If you'd like to work with me directly for the audition tape, please share more of your story with me at [email protected] – you can see this post for what I'm looking for:

  16. alexisneelyMonday, June 7, 2010 at 7:31 pm 

    Nancy, your continued encouragement is so appreciated! Your reminder of how long I've been talking about this was just what I needed. Big hugs back!

  17. Kate LaddTuesday, June 8, 2010 at 9:17 pm 

    Alexis — Can't wait to see your audition tape; I just know it will be fabulous! Just curious, how will you pitch this differently than when you met with the OWN folks in person? Also, why would you choose to compete against 5000 other applicants when you already have direct access to the casting directors? Are you planning to attend an open casting call too? (Might see you there if it's in SoCal.)

    You will do GREAT regardless of how you approach this …

  18. Kate LaddTuesday, June 8, 2010 at 9:17 pm 

    Alexis — Can't wait to see your audition tape; I just know it will be fabulous! Just curious, how will you pitch this differently than when you met with the OWN folks in person? Also, why would you choose to compete against 5000 other applicants when you already have direct access to the casting directors? Are you planning to attend an open casting call too? (Might see you there if it's in SoCal.)

    You will do GREAT regardless of how you approach this …

  19. alexisneelyWednesday, June 9, 2010 at 12:25 am 

    Hi Kate, I'll write about the difference in the pitch sometime over the next several weeks, after we are done with the shoot. BIG differences. I gave away my power last time because I wasn't ready. I am now and I've learned so much since then. Thanks so much for your support!

  20. ManishaThakorThursday, June 17, 2010 at 3:50 pm 

    “If you want peace… stop fighting.” Wow, the karmic timing could not be better for your message and YOU, Alexis Martin Neely, are the perfect person to do this show. I'm looking forward to watching it already. When the video is up, looking forwarding to helping you generate SM buzz so the OWN team can see the positive impact you are already making on so many lives & why you and your work need to be brought to national TV. You go girl!

  21. Karen TalaveraThursday, June 17, 2010 at 4:39 pm 

    First, I love your show concept (man is it time!) and can't wait to see the video and help you promote it so please blog with link to video when it's up!

    Second, I totally, completely get your fear and doubt and have SO LIVED that myself! THANK YOU for expressing your feelings so bluntly and honestly. Others need to know even “big names” freak out and it is normal. I have big dreams and big visions for my purpose too (just finally took the first step toward them with my new blog, The Accidental Seeker) and yes, it all SOUNDS so easy but it's really terrifying once we go from thought to implementation! In my case, most people from my life don't know the side they'll see on Accidental Seeker so just coming out of hiding took a while. But now that that's over with, I don't care who knows what or thinks what – or even if I fail – and you shouldn't either.

    We constantly raise the bar on ourselves but to most of the rest of the world out there afraid to even start or try ANYTHING, you're already a rock star. Being on such a beginning rung of my own journey at the moment, I can see I've already succeeded by simply getting my blog launched and being unafraid to promote it. I know I'll raise my bar, I now I won't always feel that way, but I hope by then someone will remind me of my humble beginning triumphs like I'm reminding you.
    Look at what you've already built. Honestly, can any action you take from this point on be considered a failure in the big picture? The only thing that could be would be failing to take action at all.

    What your post made me think of is how living our purpose and dreams is not just a straight linear shot to the goal. It's like climbing stairs. We think “if I can just do this step” we'll have arrived but the reality is that yes, the universe gives us multiple opportunities to try and fail and keep climbing in the process. The irony is, the more we fail the harder it gets to try again, yet the more we try the easier it gets to fail . I know you're discovering that!

    At the end of the day, you just can't take it too seriously. Considering your present goal, what's the worst that can happen? So you don't win the Oprah contest – it's far from the end of the road. This isn't life and death or world destruction we're talking about here. The only thing we lose by not trying is our light, our reason for living, and I decided that's not something I'm willing to sacrifice. So damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead, and may you continue to shine even brighter!!!

  22. SylviaThursday, June 17, 2010 at 7:03 pm 


    Sounds like you've got a tiger by the tail with your winning concept. And I've seen your tiger-riding skills. So hop on your tiger's back and let it take to you where you want to go.

    Remember that song refrain, “…there no stopping us (YOU) now!” Can't wait to see your video.

    Simply the Best,

  23. Jenifer LaspeThursday, June 17, 2010 at 10:09 pm 

    Please for the rest of us DO it!!!!!! Everything you have written here makes so much sense. I can't wait to see your vision of your show with my own eyes.

  24. alexisneelyMonday, June 28, 2010 at 3:56 am 

    Manisha, thank you for all your support! It's because of catalysts like you that this show will happen. xoxo

  25. alexisneelyMonday, June 28, 2010 at 3:58 am 

    Yes! Regardless of what happens here, I will keep moving this forward because I know without a doubt that this is a gift given to me to bring to the world and the only failure would be to stop. Keep me posted on your journey. Congratulations on stepping out. The world needs you!

  26. OsbourneMonday, January 10, 2011 at 5:35 pm 

    I have read “The War of Art” many times since its publication. I have purchased it for many of my friends and family members. I belive the most important lesson in theis book is that Resistance is constant and is strongest as you near the completion of a project. I use a ritual each morning to steel myself against Resistance and encourage you do develop one that works for you. I look forward to viewing your audition tape and being a regular viewr of your program on OWN.

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