The Pain of Judgment (It’s No Wonder We Don’t Have World Peace)

I can see the new world.

It’s one in which we come together, to support each other, give each other the benefit of the doubt that we are all here for the common good, and remind each other of that reality, when we each individually forget.

It’s a world in which our resources are unlimited because we have figured out how to live, work and love together instead of against each other.

In this new world, we are united, we are one, we are all aware of that reality and live in unity.

Can you imagine such a world? Have you? Does it really exist? Can it ever?

Tonight, I wonder and I feel scared and sad in that wonderment because if not, what hope do we really have for the future?

If we (those of us who have all of our needs met and no real reason to fight) cannot figure out how to get along, love each other, live together and truly connect with the truth of who we really are, beyond the fear, ego, guilt, shame, worry and doubt, nothing else really matters — whether our businesses succeed or fail, whether the dollar drops to zero or we extend the debt ceiling, or whether we run out of natural resources – it’s all meaningless if we cannot get beyond the conflict that tears us apart.

I see people I love carry so much judgment with them and project it on to others – unwilling to examine their own beliefs and fears to see where they are arising within them, coming up to be healed.

I can feel how far we are from the universal peace I carry in my heart as possible.

If people I love and hold dear are so full of judgment and condemnation, what can that possibly mean for the rest of the world?

Why is it that we who truly have our needs fully met must look outside of ourselves and create a story that some other has bad motives, is trying to do something to us, manipulate, or harm us?

What would happen if we fully dropped that story and instead let down our guards with the intention of finding more heart, more connection, more love, more truth, more openness?  What if we each took more responsibility for our own experiences and reactions?

What if we were willing to give each person we met the benefit of the doubt, assume their intentions are good and communicate directly, honestly and openly when we feel otherwise?

What if instead of holding our judgments inside or talking about them with others we owned our own projections and stopped transferring our fears of our own inadequacy onto another?

I think this is what it means to wake up.  Radical personal responsibility, ownership of our own experience, looking within for the divinity and recognition that there is no other.

I am you, you are me and we are all together.

So tonight, I ask you to remember.  Remember who you really are.  Remember who I really am.  Remember why we came here.

Please, let’s wake up and remember together …

Addendum to post:  Since I posted this and shared it, a friend challenged me with the comment that if I really want things to be different it has to begin with me.  I have to own my own projections and model what it might look like to take radical personal responsibility for what I am seeing in the world rather than issuing a nebulous call to the rest of the world. He is right.

Because it’s late and to do this requires intense awareness, clarity and presence, I am going to do just that in my next blog post — I will step up and take a leadership role in modeling what I am asking for here.

If you have any insights, articles, or processes that would support me in taking radical personal responsibility for my own projections, I would appreciate you sending them my way.   I yearn to model something different because I know that is the only way the world around me will change.

7 Comments

  1. JoeyThursday, July 28, 2011 at 10:04 am 

    Interesting thing happens when we begin exercising our ability to traverse the sacred realms of perception, yes we purge on many levels, physically, mentally, emotionally, environmentally, but while thats happening simultaneously over the course of the day or evening and for weeks to come we’re doing a life review that brings us face to face with all we and our linage has done. We have to face ourself, we are our judge and during that review all we can do is humbly accept ourself. From this place of acceptance and humility, we begin to see beyond our own lives to the staggered lives gathering experiences to be learned from and reviewed happening all around us at their own pace. 

    I mention this because these questions u pose, this touching blog, bring to mind a vision/message that came deep n trance. This vision revealed our highly connected state of being and the way we’ll be coexisting n pure love and perpetual peace. The great mother sifting through my many thoughts and responses to this vision she showed me knew my optimistic heart and will for togetherness. However she said “there’s much to be done in very little time, it’s known that you love and accept yourself and everyone on their course of learning/experiencing but u don’t have to like everybody”. I’m mindful of that message when the judgmental ones step in to deter my optimism of the vision of love thats been reveled to me. Peace will be, we will unite and coexist with clarity and understanding. Communication w love flowing between us on strands of light beyond what we can imagine is growing into existence now. Those judging, I accept as they are but don’t have to like them or burn precious time on them, they’ll get there. More importantly we be stedfast n connecting the family of friends and grow in our ability to function together. When we find ourselves judging, let it go and move on, with the judgmental ones (“love everybody but don’t have to like everybody”) don’t burn the attention on them. 

    Yes I imagine such a world, yes its exists, it’s coming quicker than we think, there is no “if not”. Those judgmental folks will figure it out, as we live peace, they will assimilate The world needs us to focus on growing the dream of peace. 

    If our needs are met we want to sustain that, if everyone doesn’t have their needs met as they should, we become scared that our needs wont be met and we fight for our way/wealth/ect, not remembering that ultimately ALL has been shared w us, every breath. 

    Now we’re being manipulated and harmed, thats why, the way of peace will meet the needs of all and why growing that way into being is priority.

    An empowered body of people lead themselves collectively, these people will do what truly great leader/teachers do, they will exemplify a way of being that will define to others how that way of being is achieved. These people will have the qualities u speak of in right context: We will b responsible as we are, with open hearts, fully connected to each other/nature, existing with a clarity of natural truths, our spirits will be healthy, warm, accepting, intelligent, generous and wise. Everyone’s highest potential will be honored, revered, accepted and cherished with gratitude and love.  

    Not just wishful thinking, life has been this way before. We’ll return to transparent communication and full empathetic connection allowing us high levels of love and understanding. Unclear communication vanishes with it all its pain.

    Hehee this got long, just some thoughts……. Nice blog! Peace luv                                        

  2. Gloria HigdonThursday, July 28, 2011 at 10:46 am 

    Alexis, your authenticity and your humble desire to create change is so refreshing. You have articulated your message so well and it is abundantly clear that in asking how we might we do, that your intention is to forge ahead to find a path.

    I have never shared one of my blog posts before in someone else’s blog but you’ve invited insights, articles etc. so below is a blog post I wrote March 28th this year. It seems we share similar hopes for a world filled with love. Wishing you love and light on your journey 🙂

    Cheers, Glo

    Inspiring leaders to do good

    Capitalism in North America is at a turning point and the rate of change that is happening in the world today is a clear reflection of our need to evolve with it.  Stores that offer used goods are opening in droves.  GM closed down Hummer.  Children today look for the recycling boxes before the trash.  Global decisions based on environmental impact and sustainability are increasing exponentially.  We, as human beings, are going back to our values systems.  We are inherently interconnected yet we have often been living our lives disconnected.  The need to “look” and “lead” from within, to question and to define our purpose is at the forefront of becoming who we are.  Life is becoming yet again more meaningful.  We are the architects of our lives.

    We are looking for options, multiple choices and win win situations.  But we panic.  We rush around from problem to problem trying to clean up the mess while creating more.  We’ve lost sight of what is important and we all want it back.  It is through deep reflection that we create the needed space for inspiration and it is through inspiration that the choices begin to unfold just like dominos.  The universe is abundant with choice.  We, as humans of the universe, are abundant with choice.  When we view the world and each other in this new and powerful light, we are filled with solutions.  We are replacing problem solving with solutions.  We are replacing fear with hope.  We are replacing chaos with calm.  We are replacing stuck with potentiality.

    Leaders have not only the ability, but the innate desire to create sustainable change and find what matters to deepen our existence.  Forging through new pathways in a world whose heart has been closed.  To touch the lives of many with love and compassion while bringing meaning, is to perform open heart surgery in homes, organizations and classrooms in both developed and underdeveloped countries across the Globe.  It is through the simplest forms of opening our hearts and giving that we generate a buzz.  Supporting people to discover their truth and to define their legacy is simply giving them the brush.  Possibilities emerge bringing forth a kaleidoscope of color enabling simple portraits to become grand masterpieces.

    What might be some of the ways that Leaders today can use these choices to generate inspiration in all of humanity so that inspiration to “do good” becomes contagious?

    Cheers, Glo

    (C) 2011 – True Bliss Coach Gloria Higdon

    http://trueblisscoach.com

  3. Nathalie LzoanoThursday, July 28, 2011 at 1:23 pm 

    Dear Alexis, yesterday I wrote to Kyra and I hope that e-mail is not related to your blog post. If this is the case, please accept my sincere apologies. I am SO GRATEFUL FOR ALL I HAVE RECEIVED FROM YOU. You inspire me, thanks to you my business and my family now have a different future. I didn’t mean to criticize (although I recognize that now, re-reading my e-mail I fully understand it can be seen as a judgemental e-mail). I fully respect what you do and who you are. I have some concerns because it is not clear to me if you are still interested in coaching lawyers and selling your traditional products or if you are deciding to end with it. Maybe in fact i am scared to “loose” you… I don’t know. Anyway, again, if my e-mail disturbed you i am sorry. With all my love and gratitude and admiration for the great woman you are. Nathalie (Bogota, Colombia)

  4. Nathalie LzoanoThursday, July 28, 2011 at 1:23 pm 

    Dear Alexis, yesterday I wrote to Kyra and I hope that e-mail is not related to your blog post. If this is the case, please accept my sincere apologies. I am SO GRATEFUL FOR ALL I HAVE RECEIVED FROM YOU. You inspire me, thanks to you my business and my family now have a different future. I didn’t mean to criticize (although I recognize that now, re-reading my e-mail I fully understand it can be seen as a judgemental e-mail). I fully respect what you do and who you are. I have some concerns because it is not clear to me if you are still interested in coaching lawyers and selling your traditional products or if you are deciding to end with it. Maybe in fact i am scared to “loose” you… I don’t know. Anyway, again, if my e-mail disturbed you i am sorry. With all my love and gratitude and admiration for the great woman you are. Nathalie (Bogota, Colombia)

  5. AnonymousThursday, July 28, 2011 at 3:00 pm 

    Aw Nathalie, you are so sweet.  I just read your email (had not seen it before) so no, this post was not directed toward you in any way.  I would like to address your concerns on today’s coaching call — will you be able to be there?  A similar concern was raised by an attorney during last week’s show and it’s clearly something to address more widely.  Bottom line, I LOVE coaching lawyers.  I am able to do such good when helping lawyers remember who they are and integrate that remembrance into their practices and with their clients.  I am also embracing my inner hippie and letting her out into the spotlight, learning to live all of who I am, the paradox of the both/and that I am — a powerhouse lawyer and a free-spirited hippie.  I am grateful for your presence in my program and hope to hear you on today’s coaching call!

  6. Amarquette732Saturday, July 30, 2011 at 1:24 am 

    Profound and deserving of deeper internal thought process. 
    But, like you I have a dream ..
    http://amarquette333.wordpress.com/2010/11/15/i-have-a-dream/

  7. Sherry RothwellMonday, August 1, 2011 at 6:33 pm 

    Yip, I totally get you. There is a lot of judgement in conscious community and it often comes out under the guise of truthtelling, but I think we need to create distinctions between projecting our unexamined truths (externally focused) and speaking and living our truth (internally focused).
    3 things that I feel are essential is that when we share our truth with another person is that we have a clear intent for creating a more harmonious relationship, rather than the unconscious intention to make someone else wrong.1) We must look within and see what we are projecting and first come to terms with our own discomfort rather than try to make others responsible for it (making others responsible by directing their awareness toward our own internal drama is a very draining form of energy vampirism. While the projector feels better, the one projected on feels drained.2) We must get that our judgement arises out of a lack of understanding (about someone or something) AND that the responsibility lies within the one who is uncomfortable to seek the understanding. We must first approach the person or situation from a place of curiosity- if judgement is STILL there-we STILL don’t understand and can be sure we have more inner work to do before we involve the other.c) Finally, if the aforementioned approaches don’t enlighten us to the point where we can just “drop it already”, then we must first approach that person by sharing how we have been personally responsible in the situation at hand, and let them know how we feel and what is at stake for us. We can’t expect the other to take any responsibility, if we don’t first.One thing I’ve noticed is that we sometimes in the name of community and truth telling “emotionally vomit” on the other person, leaving them with no choice but to be “turned off”. We have to know the difference between living our truth in every moment, and “dumping it” unexamined and making it someone else’s mess to clean up. 
    I like the distinctions that Landmark education shares about our “rackets” (the stories we tell ourselves about things and people) that create separation with that person and make us unable to access the love that we feel in our heart for the other. While our love is there beneath the surface, we can not access it when we are coming from our story or looking through a racket of right vs.wrong. 
    Once we rid ourself of the story and “the racket”, we can access what is really true and above all, our love for the person or situation at hand. 
    Warmly,Sherry

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