Somehow, it seems as if we’ve all gotten this idea that if we are not satisfied, we can’t complain. If we complain, then we are complainers and that is bad. So, instead, we should hold in our complaints. Think them, fine. But, don’t say them.
For the longest time, I apologized for my high standards. Still do sometimes.
But lately, I’m coming to terms with those standards, accepting and embracing them. I have high standards. I am high maintenance. I value excellence in myself and others.
I appreciate these things about myself. (Well, that’s not entirely true yet, but the more I accept what I feel and communicate it, the more I will appreciate these things.)
And for now on when I enter into a relationship with someone and that relationship does not meet my needs, I will not feel guilty for having my high standards. I will step into my power.
I will not stay quiet out of fear that I will look bad if I complain.
I will directly and without guilt communicate my dissatisfaction. I will make this communication without emotion and allow the tension I feel in my shoulders and in my thighs to be as they are. I will not try to make them go away by ignoring them. I will feel those feelings in my body and communicate from my heart.
And when I don’t do these things I say I will do, at least I will be aware of that. And notice.
I just did this for the first time with someone working with me who is simply not living up to my standards. In the past, I would hold my tongue and re-do their work after it was done by them.
I’m not willing to tolerate that anymore. And yet there is this part of me that is scared to death. It says “your standards are too high! no one is ever going to be able to do what you want them to do. you’ll never be happy Alexis! be happy with what you’ve got.”
Just the other day, a woman inspired by my LIFT Manifesto wrote to me about a coach she paid a high 5-figure coaching fee to who led her completely astray and gave her what I consider some pretty bad advice (he allegedly told her to drop her coaching biz, pursue artistry and stand on a street corner to sell her art). In her letter she described that she was scared to death to ask for her money back from this coach even though she felt as if he damaged her business and her life with his advice.
In fact, she wasn’t only afraid to ask for her money back; she was afraid to tell him she was not satisfied with their coaching relationship. She was worried about how it would make her look.
You know what? I’ve been there. More than once, I’m afraid.
But not anymore. I’m no longer going to be stopped by fear to say what I feel. I’m going to feel the fear and do it anyway.
What about you? What do you do when you want to complain? Do you hold it in? Face it directly? Talk about it with your friends? I’d love to hear.