A couple years ago, I got caught up in this idea of fame and for a little while, it sort of took over my life. I told myself it was about making a difference and having an impact in the world, but then I read this article that says fame is really about the need to fit in and belong and I could clearly see my real motivation.
I’ve never fit in.
I can remember all the way back to Kindergarten wondering why the other little girls didn’t like me? Why I couldn’t seem to get along with the other kids.
I wanted to. I just couldn’t seem to figure out the right things to say at the right times.
This awareness that I wasn’t like everyone else followed me throughout my life. In high school, it was a big problem. A painful problem. One I dealt with by turning to the kids who I thought would accept me no matter what – the ones on the corner smoking cigarettes before and after school. My parents loved that, let me tell you.
In college, it seemed to abate for a while and I even joined a sorority (something I said I would never, ever, ever in a million years do), but of course it was the sorority for the girls who didn’t fit in. I actually had the chance to join the popular pretty girl sorority, but made the choice to go where I’d feel more comfortable.
In law school, I dealt with not fitting in by studying constantly. That was good because it resulted in me graduating first in my class, which opened up every possible door for me for the rest of my life. And then I went to the big law firm, where once again I didn’t fit in.
I was a 26-year old wife and mom. It was one of the loneliest times of my life. I remember sitting on the beach with my baby looking longingly at the other moms with their babies hanging out together. I didn’t have any friends with babies. I couldn’t figure out how to make friends with the other moms.
Eventually, I figured it out. I’m different than most people. I’ve finally stopped asking why and accepted it. I stopped only wanting to be friends with people who don’t want to be friends with me (the “in” crowd) and started appreciating the people who seem to be attracted to me (“misfits”).
And once I figured that all out, I began to have this desire for fame on a big level. Because I wanted to make a difference (or so I thought).
So I began to make myself into someone who could appear on TV. It turns out, I’m one of those people who actually looks better on TV than in real life, so this was not so difficult for me to do.
I did quite a bit of television in a relatively short period of time. Then, I started to pitch television shows to the networks and got really close to having one picked up by the new Oprah Winfrey Network. That was really exciting. Until it didn’t happen.
Then I began thinking about a reality show. (And let me tell you, it would have been a good one with all the craziness that has happened here at my house over the last 18 months.)
Fortunately, before I could ruin my life by letting cameras follow me around all the time, I became aware that the whole pursuit of fame was feeding something not particularly healthy in me. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was, but I knew it didn’t feel good.
It started to become clear when I did all of the Michael Jackson coverage. I began to see I wasn’t really making a difference in the world and helping people with the media I was doing.
I was spreading rumors and gossip.
Sure, it was public and not behind anyone’s back, but was it really any less insidious?
I put it out of my mind because I liked getting all dressed up and putting on makeup and getting picked up by a car service and feeling special. So I kept doing it.
A couple of weeks ago though, I was on Nancy Grace talking about Tiger Woods and it was the last straw. I cannot do it anymore.
I took 2.5 hours out of my day to get my hair done, get driven down to CNN on Sunset and get my makeup done and then sit in a chair for an hour watching Nancy run the same clip of one of Tiger’s girlfriends saying she was sorry if she hurt anyone over and over and over again at each break.
I was on for less than 2 minutes with half of that time Nancy asking me inane questions I like “When did he [Tiger Woods] have time to be with all those women with two children?”
How was this a good use of my time?
I searched for anything I could hang my hat on that would indicate my appearance on the show made a shred of positive impact in the world. No matter how hard I looked, I couldn’t find anything. And I had to admit to myself that I wasn’t really there to make a difference in the world, I was there to be noticed, recognized, and fit in. Just like the article said.
I refuse to allow my life to be run by that anymore.
So I’m taking a stand. For now on, I will not do any television unless I’m totally clear that I’m doing it because it will help to lift viewers to a new level of awareness. I will not contribute to the inane dialogue, gossip and drama that is being perpetuated with most of today’s television programming.
Part of the reason I think I’m moving to Colorado is so I won’t be tempted. Because believe me, every fiber of my being is screaming out that I’m making a mistake, that I’m meant to be on TV.
I do believe I’ve been given a gift of looking great on camera, being able to convey a message quickly, and think on my feet. And I do not want to waste or deny that gift. But, it will need to be utilized in some way that does not make me feel dirty afterward and that is driven by my highest level desires to make a real difference in the world and raise people to a new level of awareness.
So bye-bye Nancy Grace. Please don’t call again. I’m not available.
Photo courtesy of AP
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Edit thisAwesome.
I also never fit in w/ all those moms w/ babies (or now, moms who are in the waiting room outside of ballet class). I don't know how to talk to them. And now I'm at a point where what they talk about seems like a foreign language. I would have to pretend to be friends w/ them.
And, you know, that's one of the reasons I have not pursued doing media. I really thought about it, especially since you (and other ppl we know) do so much. But besides the whole “talking about lame crap for 2 minutes” there's also the huge amount of time/energy that goes into being on TV … and I'm just not interested, not an efficient use of my time.
I can change more lives w/ an amazing blog post than I can being on major TV with millions of people watching.
Gross numbers is not important. Engagement w/ the people who I resonate w/ … that's what's important. 🙂 And besides, on my own blog, *I* control the message.
Brilliant and so interesting. Thanks for sharing.
I, too, cannot relate to moms. It feels weird, and I know they all think that *I* am weird. I just can't get into what most of them are into. It depresses me.
But I have to say – Alexis: when I watched you talk about Michael Jackson's affairs (it was some morning show – can't remember which), your advice made a big difference in my life. What you talked about was so important for parents. It wasn't fluff or gossip – it was real value.
So thank you for doing ALL that you do. I am grateful to have met you.
~ Nika
When someone speaks their Truth with resounding clarity and integrity as you just have ~ lives shift. I support you 100% and follow similar measures for time/energy investment in my own life – albeit on a smaller scale. If we're going to dialogue, share, discuss – let's make it meaningful, relevant and significant so that we all leave the exchange better people with richer insights and perspectives as a result. I watched your 2 minutes w/ Nancy Grace and I felt your frustration – or maybe I simply transferred mine to you. Many blessings Alexis!
Awesome.
I also never fit in w/ all those moms w/ babies (or now, moms who are in the waiting room outside of ballet class). I don't know how to talk to them. And now I'm at a point where what they talk about seems like a foreign language. I would have to pretend to be friends w/ them.
And, you know, that's one of the reasons I have not pursued doing media. I really thought about it, especially since you (and other ppl we know) do so much. But besides the whole “talking about lame crap for 2 minutes” there's also the huge amount of time/energy that goes into being on TV … and I'm just not interested, not an efficient use of my time.
I can change more lives w/ an amazing blog post than I can being on major TV with millions of people watching.
Gross numbers is not important. Engagement w/ the people who I resonate w/ … that's what's important. 🙂 And besides, on my own blog, *I* control the message.
Brilliant and so interesting. Thanks for sharing.
I, too, cannot relate to moms. It feels weird, and I know they all think that *I* am weird. I just can't get into what most of them are into. It depresses me.
But I have to say – Alexis: when I watched you talk about Michael Jackson's affairs (it was some morning show – can't remember which), your advice made a big difference in my life. What you talked about was so important for parents. It wasn't fluff or gossip – it was real value.
So thank you for doing ALL that you do. I am grateful to have met you.
~ Nika
When someone speaks their Truth with resounding clarity and integrity as you just have ~ lives shift. I support you 100% and follow similar measures for time/energy investment in my own life – albeit on a smaller scale. If we're going to dialogue, share, discuss – let's make it meaningful, relevant and significant so that we all leave the exchange better people with richer insights and perspectives as a result. I watched your 2 minutes w/ Nancy Grace and I felt your frustration – or maybe I simply transferred mine to you. Many blessings Alexis!
Amen sister!
Bravo..
TV is a disEase..
and fame is a disease..
I wish you well with your recovery.
Don't compromise your integrity.
Those who never take a stand for something,
fall for anything.
Your website is your best channel.
Fame is devolving.
ego death – next step.
Ascension imminent.
Amen sister!
Bravo..
TV is a disEase..
and fame is a disease..
I wish you well with your recovery.
Don't compromise your integrity.
Those who never take a stand for something,
fall for anything.
Your website is your best channel.
Fame is devolving.
ego death – next step.
Ascension imminent.
Great post Alexis! I get it completely… wanting to make sure that each moment is spent with the highest ROI in our personal and business lives. I also think we are really lucky too because with the Internet, there are other ways to connect with the masses outside of TV. I am reading “Crush It” right now and anyone has the power to create their own BIG visual platform right now. All we have to do is work in our passion each day, be authentic, and take big, bold action that changes the lives of others. I think it is important to say hell yes to TV, when you know you can create positive change in the world, and then the rest of the time just say no. xx and oo's
Great post Alexis! I get it completely… wanting to make sure that each moment is spent with the highest ROI in our personal and business lives. I also think we are really lucky too because with the Internet, there are other ways to connect with the masses outside of TV. I am reading “Crush It” right now and anyone has the power to create their own BIG visual platform right now. All we have to do is work in our passion each day, be authentic, and take big, bold action that changes the lives of others. I think it is important to say hell yes to TV, when you know you can create positive change in the world, and then the rest of the time just say no. xx and oo's
bravo 🙂 and beautifully shared
Alexis,
Thank you for continuing to share your authentic unfoldment with your tribe. I continue to be inspired by your willingness to trust yourself and step outside the “comfort” box – even when scary! Bravo! Wishing you a brilliant next phase with your move. CA will miss ya though! 😉
Amy
I didn't agree earlier with you decision.
But now I take it back.
I don't fully understand the reasons behind it so I now feel
premature in jumping to that conclusion.
You know best, so run with it and I'll look forward to your
future posts on the walls.
Alex
bravo 🙂 and beautifully shared
Wow, what a tough decision! I can definitely see where you are coming from though. I often feel the same way. Not with TV obviously, but other things I choose to spend my time on.
I didn't know you were moving to Colorado! I'm from Colorado myself. I miss it often, especially the mountains and family, of course.
Alexis,
Thank you for continuing to share your authentic unfoldment with your tribe. I continue to be inspired by your willingness to trust yourself and step outside the “comfort” box – even when scary! Bravo! Wishing you a brilliant next phase with your move. CA will miss ya though! 😉
Amy
I didn't agree earlier with you decision.
But now I take it back.
I don't fully understand the reasons behind it so I now feel
premature in jumping to that conclusion.
You know best, so run with it and I'll look forward to your
future posts on the walls.
Alex
Wow, what a tough decision! I can definitely see where you are coming from though. I often feel the same way. Not with TV obviously, but other things I choose to spend my time on.
I didn't know you were moving to Colorado! I'm from Colorado myself. I miss it often, especially the mountains and family, of course.
Good for you Alexis!
And Horray for ALL the misfits – who stand up for a greater purpose and go against the stream of the masses when doing so!
Have a great day!
Warmly,
Kirin
Good for you Alexis!
And Horray for ALL the misfits – who stand up for a greater purpose and go against the stream of the masses when doing so!
Have a great day!
Warmly,
Kirin
WoW!
I am so glad I stumbled upon this post. My whole life I have always felt like I didn't quiet belong with any particular group. Throughout middle school, high school and now onto college… I'm the one always in the library, studying, because I can't seem to relate with other girls my age who spend their time gossiping, partying, and participating in things I've found quiet frivolous. I joined a sorority my first semester of college, and struggled recently with myself to drop it… I wondered if it was just me and maybe I needed to try and be more like them… but then I realized that I will never be like most girls my age and that I'm just different.
Now I'm starting to become more comfortable with being different and realizing I will never be “like most girls”, and that being different and standing up for what you believe in is more important than going with the wave. Thank you for the inspiration,
WoW!
I am so glad I stumbled upon this post. My whole life I have always felt like I didn't quiet belong with any particular group. Throughout middle school, high school and now onto college… I'm the one always in the library, studying, because I can't seem to relate with other girls my age who spend their time gossiping, partying, and participating in things I've found quiet frivolous. I joined a sorority my first semester of college, and struggled recently with myself to drop it… I wondered if it was just me and maybe I needed to try and be more like them… but then I realized that I will never be like most girls my age and that I'm just different.
Now I'm starting to become more comfortable with being different and realizing I will never be “like most girls”, and that being different and standing up for what you believe in is more important than going with the wave. Thank you for the inspiration,
Wow. I thought we had so much in common before – it's crazy how much so that is when you describe your childhood. Ditto! I have learned to love not fitting in, because it gives me the freedom to be who I'm comfortable being. Crazy thing is, that seems to make me more popular! I ADMIRE you for speaking so frankly on these issues. You have amazing guts. I'm glad you're following your instincts in all that you're doing. You are an inspiration for so many of us.
Alexis,
First of all, thank you for being so brave in speaking your truth about not fitting in. It amazes me that someone as attractive, intelligent and personable as you would feel that way. You seem like the girl everyone wants to be friends with! I’ve felt the same way, and it’s comforting to hear that someone like you has shared the same experience.
And I admire you for making the decision to no longer contribute to “the inane dialogue, gossip and drama that is being perpetuated with most of today’s television programming.” You couldn’t have said it any better. Making the decision to resist the allure of that kind of TV is so admirable. And sharing your decision with others sets a positive wave in motion. You may not see it, but it’s there. I think everyone who reads your post sees that taking the high road is what leads to inner peace. You’re dong it – and you’re inspiring others to do it, too.
So thanks, Alexis, for your authenticity and integrity…
Karen
Wow. I thought we had so much in common before – it's crazy how much so that is when you describe your childhood. Ditto! I have learned to love not fitting in, because it gives me the freedom to be who I'm comfortable being. Crazy thing is, that seems to make me more popular! I ADMIRE you for speaking so frankly on these issues. You have amazing guts. I'm glad you're following your instincts in all that you're doing. You are an inspiration for so many of us.
Alexis,
First of all, thank you for being so brave in speaking your truth about not fitting in. It amazes me that someone as attractive, intelligent and personable as you would feel that way. You seem like the girl everyone wants to be friends with! I’ve felt the same way, and it’s comforting to hear that someone like you has shared the same experience.
And I admire you for making the decision to no longer contribute to “the inane dialogue, gossip and drama that is being perpetuated with most of today’s television programming.” You couldn’t have said it any better. Making the decision to resist the allure of that kind of TV is so admirable. And sharing your decision with others sets a positive wave in motion. You may not see it, but it’s there. I think everyone who reads your post sees that taking the high road is what leads to inner peace. You’re dong it – and you’re inspiring others to do it, too.
So thanks, Alexis, for your authenticity and integrity…
Karen
Alexis, I LOVE your website and I'm enjoying your little video vignettes using Flipshare. Please tell me what music you were playing on the video titled “Momflict” created on May 29, 2009. Thank you in advance!!!
Michelle.
Alexis, I LOVE your website and I'm enjoying your little video vignettes using Flipshare. Please tell me what music you were playing on the video titled “Momflict” created on May 29, 2009. Thank you in advance!!!
Michelle.
Karen, thank you. Yes, my big journey here is realizing that we all feel the same way on the inside no matter how we look and act on the outside. Your comment about people reading my blog seeing that taking the high road is what leads to inner peace made me tear up – that's exactly what I want people to see. Thank you for seeing it.
Thank you Kyra – it's you all who give me the courage to speak publicly about what's really going on inside.
Thank you Shyla. Don't ever try to be more like anyone. You are perfect just the way you are – all of you. Even the parts that you don't love about yourself are perfect. Embrace all of you.
Karen, thank you. Yes, my big journey here is realizing that we all feel the same way on the inside no matter how we look and act on the outside. Your comment about people reading my blog seeing that taking the high road is what leads to inner peace made me tear up – that's exactly what I want people to see. Thank you for seeing it.
Thank you Kyra – it's you all who give me the courage to speak publicly about what's really going on inside.
Thank you Shyla. Don't ever try to be more like anyone. You are perfect just the way you are – all of you. Even the parts that you don't love about yourself are perfect. Embrace all of you.
Alexis,
What a brave move you've made! I can totally relate to what you are going through – having felt like a “misfit” most of my life…I think the stand you are taking here is courageously honest. I'll be looking forward to posts about how things are going.
Alexis,
What a brave move you've made! I can totally relate to what you are going through – having felt like a “misfit” most of my life…I think the stand you are taking here is courageously honest. I'll be looking forward to posts about how things are going.
What a brave move you’ve made! I can totally relate to what you are going through – having felt like a “misfit” most of my life…I think the stand you are taking here is courageously honest. I’ll be looking forward to posts about how things are going.
Wow, what a tough decision! I can definitely see where you are coming from though. I often feel the same way.keysbix Not with TV obviously, but other things I choose to spend my time on.
I didn’t know you were moving to Colorado! I’m from Colorado myself. I miss it often,keysbix especially the mountains and family, of course.