For the past several years, I have been living two personas — Alexis Neely and Ali Shanti. Alexis represents my left-brain, highly logical self. She’s a lawyer. Graduated first in her class from Georgetown Law. Ali represents my right-brain, creative, more spirit-focused self. Maybe you’d call her a woo. Plenty of people do.
The more I get to know her (I’ve only just allowed her to come through over the past three years, fully) the more woo I’ve discovered she is and I really love her. She’s brought a lot of joy into my life.
I Am the one who sees these two and experiences the conflict they’ve been in throughout my whole life. At the best of times, I experience my “I am” self as Oneness. At the worst of times, I am is torn apart by this internal conflict.
Currently, I feel as if I am being torn apart.
Alexis Neely doubts everything Ali Shanti is up to in the world. And it is reflected back to me in the eyes of a group of people I will refer to as The Haters. I recognize that I have created The Haters as a reflection of my own internal consciousness. My own self-hatred projected out into the world.
“As within, so without.”
Currently, Ali Shanti is studying the work of Drunvalo Melchizedek. He’s a teacher of consciousness who teaches how to enter the tiny space of the heart as a path to ascension. I read his book “Living In the Heart” at the tail end of two weekends in a row of Ayahuasca ceremonies in which I gained personal and direct experience of this path, saw the depths of my fear and pain keeping me from it and literally begged for guidance.
Now that the medicine has cleared my system and I am at the tail end of a 4-day Drunvalo workshop, my mind is going nuts. Alexis Neely is rearing her head in painful ways, pointing out inconsistencies in Drunvalo’s teachings, assuring me this is a cult and telling me to run.
I wonder whether Ali is strong enough to withstand the pressure.
Or how I can come back to I Am and discover what’s really true.
More soon … and the best way to keep up with it all is to subscribe to the Eyes Wide Open Love Letter, emailed out weekly from http://www.eyeswideopenlife.com.