Is It Time to Release One and, If So, Which?

For the past several years, I have been living two personas — Alexis Neely and Ali Shanti. Alexis represents my left-brain, highly logical self. She’s a lawyer. Graduated first in her class from Georgetown Law. Ali represents my right-brain, creative, more spirit-focused self. Maybe you’d call her a woo. Plenty of people do.

The more I get to know her (I’ve only just allowed her to come through over the past three years, fully) the more woo I’ve discovered she is and I really love her. She’s brought a lot of joy into my life.

I Am the one who sees these two and experiences the conflict they’ve been in throughout my whole life. At the best of times, I experience my “I am” self as Oneness. At the worst of times, I am is torn apart by this internal conflict.

Currently, I feel as if I am being torn apart.

Alexis Neely doubts everything Ali Shanti is up to in the world. And it is reflected back to me in the eyes of a group of people I will refer to as The Haters. I recognize that I have created The Haters as a reflection of my own internal consciousness. My own self-hatred projected out into the world.

“As within, so without.”

Currently, Ali Shanti is studying the work of Drunvalo Melchizedek. He’s a teacher of consciousness who teaches how to enter the tiny space of the heart as a path to ascension. I read his book “Living In the Heart” at the tail end of two weekends in a row of Ayahuasca ceremonies in which I gained personal and direct experience of this path, saw the depths of my fear and pain keeping me from it and literally begged for guidance.

Now that the medicine has cleared my system and I am at the tail end of a 4-day Drunvalo workshop, my mind is going nuts. Alexis Neely is rearing her head in painful ways, pointing out inconsistencies in Drunvalo’s teachings, assuring me this is a cult and telling me to run.

I wonder whether Ali is strong enough to withstand the pressure.

Or how I can come back to I Am and discover what’s really true.

More soon … and the best way to keep up with it all is to subscribe to the Eyes Wide Open Love Letter, emailed out weekly from


  1. HelperMonday, February 9, 2015 at 6:11 am 

    Ali/Alexis: I think you need to listen to “both sides” of yourself, and not favor one over the other. In Buddhism, they call this the “middle way”. As you have witnessed and experienced in your life, there are valid points on both sides, and neither of them should be ignored or suppressed for the benefit or dominance of the other. When these conflicts arise in your mind, simply breathe deeply, and be aware of both sides, even while they contradict each other. Together, reach a synthesis, which leads to a higher vision of the whole of reality for you. Neither side of you is entirely right, or entirely wrong. Embrace both, at the same time, and see where they take you. Good luck!

  2. CyndiTuesday, February 10, 2015 at 3:06 am 

    Ali/Alexis: Thank you for your transparency and authenticity in your posts. Congratulations on taking Drunvalo’s ATIH and activating your light merkaba! Awesome! Please consider merging the two identities within yourself for wholeness. Listen to your heart’s wisdom and create your life from within the tiny space of your heart. All that is not in alignment with your Higher Self or soul’s spiritual evolvement will fall away. You will be on your truest path of the heart, the life you were destined to live in authenticity. Life is magical when we live from our hearts. Much Love and Joy to you and Michael.

  3. MiaTuesday, April 28, 2015 at 9:47 pm 

    Maybe your intuition is telling you its a cult.

  4. tondeafThursday, May 14, 2015 at 7:57 am 

    Curious what the result was?

  5. Brianna LaPointSaturday, May 23, 2015 at 6:22 pm 

    I understand that we are all connected we are all as one. However my perspective are that of a Buddhist and not as a Christian mystic. I do make the distinction for a good reason. One my experience teaches me there is something wrong with the whole worship jesus hes the man ideal. Ok wrong might not be the word im looking for. Maybe uncomfortable.The idea is not to worship anyone nor put another in the place of you. You are the one living this life, not Jesus. So what about people putting recognition where it really belongs, right back in their own laps?!

Leave a Reply