As you know if you’ve spent any time around here, it’s time for me to put as much attention on my personal growth and connection to source as I have to making money and doing business over the past 5 years.
Here’s what I have not said yet.
My focus on being in the top 1% of earners and doing what others won’t do to stay there, led me into depression and addiction. Now that I am sober and clear-minded, I can see it — I was able to do what others would not or could not do because I anesthetized myself into working 12, 14, 16 hour days and maintaining a pace that is truly untenable for any healthy human.
While I’ve been quite transparent here, I have not felt able to write about how bad it got.
It’s part of the reason I started the Whole Truth Show — I am sharing it all there in real time.
It has been far easier for me to speak about the reality of where the quest for financial success led me than it has been to write about it. Bottom line: my financial success and quest to maintain it led me into a deep, dark hole that I am finally climbing my way out of and I know that my healing can lead to your healing so I’m sharing it with you as it happens.
You’d probably never have known it by looking at me, even if you spent time with me, but that hole has lived within me for many years and I am done filling it with bad decisions, poison, shame & guilt.
Yesterday, I returned to CrossFit, my exercise of choice.
Mid-day yesterday, when I would have normally been craving the sweet escape that I had previously been turning to medical marijuana to provide (I’ve been pot free since August 18), I realized I not only did not crave a hit off a joint, but that I once again had touched that space of pure joy that is only possible when free of all substances.
When I was smoking every day, my mind convinced me I could only reach that high by indulging in the drug. Hello, addiction! Gratefully, a part of me remembered the truth even when after quitting it felt elusive and yesterday I got to touch that truth again — it seems my natural serotonin is returning thanks to exercise and sobriety. Thank you God.
Now that my external health is getting on track, it’s time to decide on the path of spiritual study that will support my internal health and keep me clear.
I’ve been considering several options. Great Freedom, Oneness University, & Diamond Heart just to name a few. And while I will very likely give those a go, I am beginning with a daily commitment to a Course in Miracles.
There are a couple of reasons for this: 1) I don’t have to get on any phone calls (Great Freedom), attend any retreats (Diamond Heart), or wonder whether it’s just a big scam (Oneness University) and 2) several people I trust from a wide variety of backgrounds have done the Course and I have seen the results (Marianne Williamson, Gabrielle Bernstein, Craig Filek, Sujana Hara, just to name a few).
Most importantly, it’s a regular daily practice I can consistently apply no matter where I am, no matter what I am doing or what’s going on in my life. All I have to do is turn to the text, read the lesson and apply it.
Today is Day One.
The practice — awareness that nothing I see around me means anything. The Course invites me to stop three times today and look around the room, my space, my landscape and look at each item I see with the awareness that it does not mean anything.
I am sitting in our sanctuary space at the farm with the big garage door open so I am half way in and half way out, as I write this. I look around and notice that this chair does not mean anything. That table does not mean anything. This dog does not mean anything.
I look beyond my space and notice the corn does not mean anything. The power lines do not mean anything. The motorcycle does not mean anything. The garage does not mean anything. The fence does not mean anything. The car does not mean anything. The chickens do not mean anything. The goat does not mean anything. The garden does not mean anything.
I do this for a full minute and will do it again twice throughout the day, for not more than a minute.
My mind judges this practice as silly, as something I already know and yet I do it anyway because I am committed to the practice more than I believe my mind, I trust the teaching, and I know my mind does not always know what is best for me.
Immense gratitude to Gabrielle Bernstein whose book Spirit Junkie has already inspired me to return to this practice even though I’m only a few pages in. Pick up your copy of Gabby’s book here. I look forward to meeting you one day Gabby and sharing the story of my transformation.
Would you like to practice along with me? If so, it’s easy. Pick up the book a Course in Miracles or put it on your Kindle and join me here in the comments with your experience of the daily practice. Be sure to subscribe to the blog if you are not already subscribed so I can keep you up to date on my daily practice. I know I’m a lot more likely to keep it up if you are here with me, so let’s do it together, okay?