Day 3 and I feel better than I have in a LONG time.
It’s funny, yesterday after I found out that Amex canceled my merchant account and I did everything I could to help them see how stupid that was, only to realize they were not going to change their mind no matter what I said or did, I felt a deeper sense of peace and relaxation than I have in a long, long time.
Oddly, I even felt a bit euphoric.
That’s what facing reality will do for ya!
Suddenly, I knew in a “permeate my being kind of way” that it would all be okay. That it IS all okay, right now.
Perhaps, I am not meant to run companies. It certainly seems as if the Universe has been trying to send me that message for quite a while and since I’m the kind of gal who always loves a great challenge, I have fought it.
Fifteen months or so ago, I decided that I was not cut out to build my own real deal businesses and decided I would just be a consultant. Then, I picked up Tony Hsieh’s book about Zappos, Delivering Happiness, and got re-inspired to be a world-changing CEO.
So, I ramped up my operations, hired lots more team members, expanded my vision and filled my time with team meetings, campaigns, copywriting, new websites, launches, the whole thing …
Another year of my life lost to the pursuit and perpetuation of the 7-figure business.
Totally not worth it.
Not only do I not need a million dollar business to support what I really want, I do not want one either.
A million dollar a year business requires far more attention and energy than the marketers selling you on it promise. Getting there is far harder than they make it out to be and chances are that if you do get there, you will wonder why you worked so hard just to have to work so hard to support the monster you created.
Perhaps that’s just my experience and it’s different for others.
A million dollar business requires a constant eye on the numbers, sales & marketing systems, campaigns and launches and people to support it — generally, lots more people than you would think. Someone needs to manage those people. No matter how much I wish it to be true, I have not yet met the people who want to work for me (instead of having their own businesses) and who do not need management. I suck at management.
If these things are not true for you, if you love the systems, the numbers, the people management, and all the details, contact me — I have two whole lines of information products for two awesome markets that are complete, tested, loved, proven and just need someone like you to build the business around them. I’m not gonna do it anymore.
So, what am I going to do instead?
For now, I’m going to take care of my existing customers and clients, I’m going to work with people who contact me about my programs and products spontaneously and want the specific kind of support I can offer, I’m going to take care of myself, be with my kids, enjoy the natural highs that come with freedom (as opposed to the drug-induced/campaign-induced highs I have been chasing) and wait to see what else wants to emerge.
Today, on the Whole Truth Show, a gal showed up who I had met at Ali Brown’s Shine Event in November 2009. She identified herself as “Beth.” Beth seemed a bit fascinated, a bit judgmental, and more than a little curious about my shift since then.
She expressed concern about how much I was crying throughout today’s show (yes, I let my emotion show far more easily now than I ever have before and on the flip side others who know me said they have never seen me look so happy — thanks Jeremy!) and stated that my programs must not work because I am struggling so much now.
Struggling?!? In so many ways, I am doing better now than I ever have! And that’s why things are so fucked up in our world.
Yes, I’m making far less money than I have in a long time and I have stopped paying on the massive debt I acquired chasing the more, more, more, more, more.
I am also happier than I have been in years, re-connecting with my children, supporting our lifestyle working just a few hours a day with total flexibility, saying no to work that doesn’t inspire me, satisfying my creative desires, in a relationship that feels healthier than any relationship I have ever been in and I am feeling again instead of numbing out.
For the first time in my life, I am not experiencing the internal conflict that has plagued me since I was a teenager.
We should all struggle like this.
So, on to day 3 of the Course in Miracles practice. Are you following along with me?
Today’s practice: I do not understand anything I see. Much like the other two practices, I’m directed to look around at everything I see and become aware that I don’t understand any of it.
That resonates for me. It’s becoming pretty clear to me that I do not understand much of anything. My entire orientation is being shifted.
For most of my adult life, I was a hardcore left brain lawyer, almost entirely focused on making money and being the best at everything I came near.
Today, during a live energy session on the show with a gifted energy worker, I felt source energy running through my body (and so did many of the people watching the show from hundreds and thousands of miles away!)
My mind was going insane with judgment and yet my body could feel the truth of what I was experiencing.
Today, my right brain is coming through more than it ever has. I feel creative, light, and free. Transformation is happening. And while it’s clear I do not understand much of anything, I feel more sure than I ever have that my path is right. Through this process, I am finally being and becoming what I always knew I really was. Whatever that is. Ah, the paradox.
I’m so grateful for all of your comments on the blog, your posts to me on Facebook (I only friend people I have actually met in person, but apparently you can subscribe to my posts and post comments if we have not met, or you can join the show Facebook group or my public page) and the love through Twitter.
Please keep it coming. Your interaction is giving me the courage to keep letting it all out here for everyone to see. And please share stories of your own transformation, letting go, shifting, practice and anything else that lets me into your experience. Until tomorrow, Namaste.