It’s the eve of moving day.
Tomorrow, we will pull out of Hermosa Beach and head toward the Rockies with two U-Hauls, 5 adults (including my ex-husband and my boyfriend), 2 kids, a dog, 3 cats, a snake and a turtle.
Thank God I’ve got two years of Burning Man under my belt as practice.
I’m quite surprised about how shaken up I am by this whole move. Although everyone I talk to says it’s totally normal and I know it is, I’m still surprised.
The move is bringing me the opportunity to confront all the pieces of myself that I don’t love and adore. And most importantly, to see them.
There’s so much that we hide from ourselves. And it all comes up during any period of transition and transformation.
What’s coming up for me now is the awareness that I am deeply motivated by the desire to have a certain community of people around me.
I moved to a Hermosa Beach walkstreet because I wanted to raise my kids in community. I wanted to live somewhere in which the kids could run back and forth to their friends’ houses without constant adult supervision. An open door policy in which my neighbor’s kids would become as comfortable with me as my own kids and my kids would look to the neighbors as second parents.
When I first moved to Hermosa, I lived on 17th street, one of the walkstreets where community is facilitated by no cars driving on the street in front of the houses.
There were two families on the street that had been there for more than 50 years. The adults living there now had all grown up as kids on the street (and in the houses) where they were now raising their own kids.
Over the years, those friends had turned into each other’s family.
It’s always been what I wanted. A family by choice. An extended group of people who become family, are committed to supporting each other and working together for the benefit of the whole. Each person contributing his and her highest gifts to the community and relaxing into the awareness that her or she is part of a greater village working toward a common vision.
Raising kids, cooking meals, relaxing, and growing together. People who share my values. That I want my kids to be guided by and learning from.
When I really look at why I am moving to Colorado, I’m heading off in search of that village.
My mind begins to wonder why I didn’t create it here and what will be different there.
There are three families on my street, all of whom have kids Kaia and Noah’s age, all of whom go to the private school Kaia and Noah used to go to.
On the surface, the village I’m looking for is right here.
But, we don’t seem to fit with these families.
They are nice enough, but I don’t see them ever feeling like real I’ve got your back no matter what family. They aren’t people I could practice Radical Honesty with or talk about evolution of the spirit and truth and awareness with. They seem to like living behind the veil. Or at least, it’s all they know and they seem happy enough to keep it on.
I’m ready to pull off the veil. And so I’m leaving.
My mind says I’m crazy. I should make it work here. If I can’t make it work here, I won’t make it work anywhere. It’s the same everywhere. Wherever you go, there you are. Stick it out. Push through.
But, then I remember back to being at the big law firm.
I had many of these same thoughts then. You are crazy to think about leaving. People would kill for that job. Are you insane? Make it work. If you can’t make it work here, you won’t make it work anywhere. This is just what life is like. Wherever you go, there you are. Stick it out. Push through.
The exact same thoughts. A pattern. Conditioning. Had I listened to them, I’d still be there, unhappy, wondering what’s wrong with me. But, hanging in.
As soon as I left the big law firm, I found a freedom unlike anything I had ever experienced before. I didn’t run out of money. I didn’t die. Instead, I was free.
That freedom led to where I am today. I can pick up and move to a completely different State. I don’t have to worry about finding a new job. I don’t have to worry about taking vacation time to pack and move. I don’t have to worry that I won’t be able to make a living where I am going.
The only restriction on me today is my mind. It sometimes still wants to hold me back, keep me safe, convince me that if only I changed, I would find out that what I’m looking for has been here all along.
But, here’s what I know. Something is pulling me to Colorado.
It’s something as big as the freedom that came through when I left my paycheck and started my own business. It’s something as big as the freedom that showed up when I left my husband and re-discovered the freedom of being a woman again.
I have a feeling it’s that I will finally find the community I’ve been looking for. The community that becomes family. The community that sees me exactly as I am, recognizes me and says yes, you are one of ours. We’ve been waiting for you.
Image courtesy of Flickr
46 Comments
I am a Colorado native who recently moved to New Jersey. I think you will find Colorado to be especially hospitable, and I hope you enjoy it as much as the natives do!
Drive safe and be well…….
We have been waiting for you, lady! Can't wait! You are going to love it here.
Alexis, of course you are a bit nervous about what you are doing…it's a big move! Heavens knows I would be too! When something pulls you a certain direction with such force, and you are flexible enough to be able to follow it, then by all means, fly! Fly toward it with your whole heart and soul, and enjoy every second of it! You are so gifted, and have such a huge heart, and help so many of us, so I am happy to see you taking this time to create the next chapter of your life.
I love picturing your caravan trekking over the mountains. Drive safely and post pictures of the mountains when you get there!
I made the drive from Sacramento to Boston 13 years ago (wow, didn't realize it was that long ago) to come back home and find my community. Sometimes the place does matter.
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Edit thisI'm so excited for you! John and I fantasize about moving to Colorado. Where are you moving to?
I am a Colorado native who recently moved to New Jersey. I think you will find Colorado to be especially hospitable, and I hope you enjoy it as much as the natives do!
Drive safe and be well…….
We have been waiting for you, lady! Can't wait! You are going to love it here.
Alexis, of course you are a bit nervous about what you are doing…it's a big move! Heavens knows I would be too! When something pulls you a certain direction with such force, and you are flexible enough to be able to follow it, then by all means, fly! Fly toward it with your whole heart and soul, and enjoy every second of it! You are so gifted, and have such a huge heart, and help so many of us, so I am happy to see you taking this time to create the next chapter of your life.
I love picturing your caravan trekking over the mountains. Drive safely and post pictures of the mountains when you get there!
I made the drive from Sacramento to Boston 13 years ago (wow, didn't realize it was that long ago) to come back home and find my community. Sometimes the place does matter.
I made a similar trip about 11 months ago – admittedly with less stuff and people. I packed up my Jetta with everything that would fit and moved from RI to CO.
I love it here. The people are fantastic and who wouldn't be happy in the sunniest city in the country.
I do suppose it depends on where you live and what your values are (I wouldn't fare so well if I lived in CO Springs – Focus on the Family doesn't take well to the queers) but where I am outside of Denver is really everything I'd ever hoped for. I hope your move brings you everything you're looking for and more.
Safe travels.
I'm so excited for you! John and I fantasize about moving to Colorado. Where are you moving to?
I'm thrilled that you can follow your bliss… I'm there for you all, no matter where that might be…I love you…be happy
Enjoy the adventure
I made a similar trip about 11 months ago – admittedly with less stuff and people. I packed up my Jetta with everything that would fit and moved from RI to CO.
I love it here. The people are fantastic and who wouldn't be happy in the sunniest city in the country.
I do suppose it depends on where you live and what your values are (I wouldn't fare so well if I lived in CO Springs – Focus on the Family doesn't take well to the queers) but where I am outside of Denver is really everything I'd ever hoped for. I hope your move brings you everything you're looking for and more.
Safe travels.
I'm thrilled that you can follow your bliss… I'm there for you all, no matter where that might be…I love you…be happy
Enjoy the adventure
I've been looking for that community too. I've even experienced it in glimpses. And I live amongst people who share most of my values.
Still, most don't SEE me. They don't know who I really am and what I really offer. They don't have the ability to see and celebrate the differences I bring.
So interestingly, perhaps we don't need people who will say “you are one of ours” in the sense of being quite like them. Perhaps we need people who are grounded enough to see the Glory God created us to be and become, our unique glory, and say, “You are one of His, and therefore one of ours, and around here, we've got each other's backs, no matter how tough it gets, and no matter how confusing it is along the way.”
I read a sign a week or so ago that says, “Don't try so hard to fit in when you were made to stand out.”
What I would love to find is a community of people who affirm everyone's otherness and celebrate the ways each one is made to stand out.
Blessings on your search, Alexis. It would be wonderful if you found a community like that in a geo-local place. I'm betting you can create one that gets together on occasion from amongst your community online too.
I've been looking for that community too. I've even experienced it in glimpses. And I live amongst people who share most of my values.
Still, most don't SEE me. They don't know who I really am and what I really offer. They don't have the ability to see and celebrate the differences I bring.
So interestingly, perhaps we don't need people who will say “you are one of ours” in the sense of being quite like them. Perhaps we need people who are grounded enough to see the Glory God created us to be and become, our unique glory, and say, “You are one of His, and therefore one of ours, and around here, we've got each other's backs, no matter how tough it gets, and no matter how confusing it is along the way.”
I read a sign a week or so ago that says, “Don't try so hard to fit in when you were made to stand out.”
What I would love to find is a community of people who affirm everyone's otherness and celebrate the ways each one is made to stand out.
Blessings on your search, Alexis. It would be wonderful if you found a community like that in a geo-local place. I'm betting you can create one that gets together on occasion from amongst your community online too.
Kudos to your heightened awareness and brave self discovery, Alexis. Thanks for sharing.
Timely blog for me…
Each year I pick a theme for my life. 2010 is my year of…Community! You know I'm writing a book about my mentor – who created an extended family that remains vibrant long after his death. I launched The Heartland Mastermind to create a new community and am relaunching our Best Life Design community to foster stronger virtual connections. All of my key projects this year rest on and promote…Community.
You will be rewarded for listening and acting on the strong pull you feel to Colorado (SO proud of you!!) It is worth letting go of the old to create a new family that supports you in being you and being your best. I think you're going to find a powerful outlet for 4 of your core values – freedom, financial security, family security, and community – that you have never before experienced at this level.
Enjoy the ride, brave woman!
xoxoxo Mollie
Kudos to your heightened awareness and brave self discovery, Alexis. Thanks for sharing.
Timely blog for me…
Each year I pick a theme for my life. 2010 is my year of…Community! You know I'm writing a book about my mentor – who created an extended family that remains vibrant long after his death. I launched The Heartland Mastermind to create a new community and am relaunching our Best Life Design community to foster stronger virtual connections. All of my key projects this year rest on and promote…Community.
You will be rewarded for listening and acting on the strong pull you feel to Colorado (SO proud of you!!) It is worth letting go of the old to create a new family that supports you in being you and being your best. I think you're going to find a powerful outlet for 4 of your core values – freedom, financial security, family security, and community – that you have never before experienced at this level.
Enjoy the ride, brave woman!
xoxoxo Mollie
Awesome. I'll be moving to San Francisco in a few weeks … but not expecting to find my community there. What I'm finding is that my community is everywhere … hence why I travel so much … my home is not a place, it's my people.
I don't know if anyone ever knows the answer to this question about finding the right community. The answer for you may be different than it is for someone else. Is it a question of acceptance or tolerance or something else? As you noted and has been said many times before, “wherever you go, there you are.” There is a difference between running away from something and searching for something that feels missing.
Maybe you did find the right people in Hermosa for the time that you needed them and now you are ready for a new tribe of people in Colorado. You are very different now than you were even last year. You are on what seems to be an accelerated growth path in many areas of your life.
Maybe you didn't find the community of people who you felt you fit in with in Hermosa because you didn't see them there. Maybe you just needed a change of scenery. Who knows. What matters is that you are following your heart and taking action in a thoughtful and present way. This takes a tremendous amount of courage which you certainly do not lack, so embrace the moment and enjoy the ride! I hope you find what you are looking for!
Hi Alexis,
It's only natural that you would feel apprehensive and a little off kilter. That will pass and your “new normal” will take over and guide you to the life YOU want.
I left a corporate job & took the find to find my “tribe.” I'm so glad I did. I have spent several years attracting people into my life who support, encourage, challenge, and love me. I detached myself from all of the “energy drainers.” I decided that I get to choose my community, and if one doesn't exist, I'll create one! 🙂
Cheering for you & wishing for you everything your heart desires!
Astonishing. Inspiring! Thanks so much for sharing your journey, literally and figuratively on your blog and on Twitter. Makes us examine our own lives and fears and expectations.
Awesome. I'll be moving to San Francisco in a few weeks … but not expecting to find my community there. What I'm finding is that my community is everywhere … hence why I travel so much … my home is not a place, it's my people.
I don't know if anyone ever knows the answer to this question about finding the right community. The answer for you may be different than it is for someone else. Is it a question of acceptance or tolerance or something else? As you noted and has been said many times before, “wherever you go, there you are.” There is a difference between running away from something and searching for something that feels missing.
Maybe you did find the right people in Hermosa for the time that you needed them and now you are ready for a new tribe of people in Colorado. You are very different now than you were even last year. You are on what seems to be an accelerated growth path in many areas of your life.
Maybe you didn't find the community of people who you felt you fit in with in Hermosa because you didn't see them there. Maybe you just needed a change of scenery. Who knows. What matters is that you are following your heart and taking action in a thoughtful and present way. This takes a tremendous amount of courage which you certainly do not lack, so embrace the moment and enjoy the ride! I hope you find what you are looking for!
Hi Alexis,
It's only natural that you would feel apprehensive and a little off kilter. That will pass and your “new normal” will take over and guide you to the life YOU want.
I left a corporate job & took the find to find my “tribe.” I'm so glad I did. I have spent several years attracting people into my life who support, encourage, challenge, and love me. I detached myself from all of the “energy drainers.” I decided that I get to choose my community, and if one doesn't exist, I'll create one! 🙂
Cheering for you & wishing for you everything your heart desires!
Astonishing. Inspiring! Thanks so much for sharing your journey, literally and figuratively on your blog and on Twitter. Makes us examine our own lives and fears and expectations.
Thanks Dr. Mollie! My theme for 2010 is also community. 🙂 I appreciate all of your support, always.
Yes, totally. AND, what I've found is that for my kids, the physical community is key. They don't have an online community yet and already after only being here a couple of days they have friends who live on our street. I can't tell you how freeing that is for me. Last night, we had three neighbor girls and one of the neighbor boys over for dinner. When my kids hang out with other kids, they don't need me to entertain them. And that means I can come play with you online. 🙂
Thanks Britt. So far, it looks like I've found it. Of course, I've only been here two days, but so far so great!
thank you Diane! Yes, there is definitely a “new normal” happening here. 🙂 Not sure if it was ever normal, but it sure is new. LOL.
From your post, I wonder if you really “see” you – my experience is that everything you are experiencing externally is a reflection of your own internal consciousness. So, what can you do to see you more?
Thank you, whoever you are. 🙂
Thank you Elisa! I'm outside of Boulder. And so far it could not be anymore perfect, even with the worst winter in years. I don't mind! That's a very good sign since I am a Florida girl and have never lived in the cold before. I look forward to meeting you in person now that we are almost neighbors.
I understand the concept of what you are saying and have experienced it myself.
But in this case, I don't think the issue is that I need to see myself more.
That's because I've experienced both being seen and not being seen. Our hearts know when we are truly being seen, the good and the bad, and being affirmed in truth.
When it happens, it's incredibly empowering personally and in the context of that community. It's a glimpse of the Kingdom of God.
It's also wonderful to be grounded enough in God truly seeing us that we don't “have to” have anyone else see us to be happy, fulfilled, and productive.
Even when we are, it's good to keep looking for it and creating it wherever He leads us, because in doing so, we further the Kingdom of God.
Thanks Dr. Mollie! My theme for 2010 is also community. 🙂 I appreciate all of your support, always.
Yes, totally. AND, what I've found is that for my kids, the physical community is key. They don't have an online community yet and already after only being here a couple of days they have friends who live on our street. I can't tell you how freeing that is for me. Last night, we had three neighbor girls and one of the neighbor boys over for dinner. When my kids hang out with other kids, they don't need me to entertain them. And that means I can come play with you online. 🙂
Thanks Britt. So far, it looks like I've found it. Of course, I've only been here two days, but so far so great!
thank you Diane! Yes, there is definitely a “new normal” happening here. 🙂 Not sure if it was ever normal, but it sure is new. LOL.
From your post, I wonder if you really “see” you – my experience is that everything you are experiencing externally is a reflection of your own internal consciousness. So, what can you do to see you more?
Thank you, whoever you are. 🙂
Thank you Elisa! I'm outside of Boulder. And so far it could not be anymore perfect, even with the worst winter in years. I don't mind! That's a very good sign since I am a Florida girl and have never lived in the cold before. I look forward to meeting you in person now that we are almost neighbors.
I understand the concept of what you are saying and have experienced it myself.
But in this case, I don't think the issue is that I need to see myself more.
That's because I've experienced both being seen and not being seen. Our hearts know when we are truly being seen, the good and the bad, and being affirmed in truth.
When it happens, it's incredibly empowering personally and in the context of that community. It's a glimpse of the Kingdom of God.
It's also wonderful to be grounded enough in God truly seeing us that we don't “have to” have anyone else see us to be happy, fulfilled, and productive.
Even when we are, it's good to keep looking for it and creating it wherever He leads us, because in doing so, we further the Kingdom of God.
So glad to hear you're loving CO! I checked in today for some inspiration and re-read your moving blog & comments…where it became apparent that mine had some me-me-me going on … Sorry! Your brave move to CO totally inspired me and tapped my passion for community, apparently setting off a list of what this focus means to me (ooops). Feel free to drop by my blog any time and share all the great stuff YOU are doing on our mutual theme this year (that is so cool!). Community rocks! #thatisall 🙂
So glad to hear you're loving CO! I checked in today for some inspiration and re-read your moving blog & comments…where it became apparent that mine had some me-me-me going on … Sorry! Your brave move to CO totally inspired me and tapped my passion for community, apparently setting off a list of what this focus means to me (ooops). Feel free to drop by my blog any time and share all the great stuff YOU are doing on our mutual theme this year (that is so cool!). Community rocks! #thatisall 🙂
As a fellow Coloradan and a fellow WaySeer and someone who is very much pulled toward the community you’re wanting to create in Berthoud, I say “yes, you are one of ours. we’ve been waiting for you”. I’m so glad you’re here 🙂