By its nature, transformation means going from being one way to being another way. Caterpillar becomes butterfly.
It means letting go of what was to step into what is becoming.
But there is that moment in between – the moment when what was and what is both exist in the same plane of existence. For the caterpillar/butterfly, the expression appears as goo.
My experience of it in this body is that of having a split personality. Literally, it feels as if there are two of me at this very moment in time.
And these two are combining and intermingling in ways that feel at times exhilarating, at others heartbreaking, and at yet others completely terrifying.
I take a look at what it must look like to those looking in from the outside today and I am amazed at the oddity I’ve created.
There’s the Alexis who is a lawyer and has created a new paradigm business model for lawyers – she exists as Alexis Martin Neely on Facebook and her main website is AlexisNeely.com (full of media appearances and “professionalism”), with several side sites for the lawyers and families she serves.
Then, there’s the evolutionary strategist emerging from the cocoon. She’s Alexis Neely on Facebook, but her website is AlexisMartinNeely.com (this site) plus a couple more for the programs created to guide evolutionary entrepreneurs to the money, business and legal structures they need around their world-changing work.
Alexis Neely, Alexis Martin Neely, Alexis Martin … with the real Alexis please stand up?
Internally, these two parts of me always existed. For years I suppressed the evolutionary Alexis, kept her hidden and attracted people who reinforced my belief that she was a little too “out there.”
The past 9-12 months have been about integration.
I’ve finally come to a place of acceptance that anything less than complete integration is simply not an option. I cannot continue to live two lives, be full steam ahead building two businesses that serve two completely different markets, and perpetuate the internal unrest that has driven my life.
It is not in alignment with what I want. Harmony. Union. Resonance. Congruence. It all comes from within me and as long as I am living the dissonance, it is what I will continue to experience.
Despite my great intentions to work a reasonable schedule, I was up until 230a at least one night last week working on things for the lawyer business – marketing the business, love and money virtual event, upgrading our training programs and with the travel and private client work I have coming up throughout November, I felt as if I had to do it.
Maybe I didn’t. Maybe it was the workaholism talking. But, it sure felt like I needed to finish those things.
Bottom line, it’s not sustainable, this split life.
Something has got to give.
And it’s the lawyer training business. It’s time to discover whether passive revenue via business is a reality or just a dream thrown about by marketers who want you to believe in the possibility of something that’s not really do-able.
I’ve invested 4 years into creating amazing, world-changing work that serves lawyers. I’ve put systems around the work. And I’ve got a team in place to run the systems.
Time to see what happens if I don’t put anymore creative energy into it and let it fly on its own.
I’ve spent the last 9 months streamlining it, stripping it down to it’s very best bare essence, cutting out everything that wasn’t working and making everything that was even better.
I’ve got it set up so it’s bringing in enough income with minimal effort to sustain itself and serve the lawyers it’s serving and now it’s time to stop building. <deep breath>
I’m afraid it will die if I really stop.
I’m scared to let it be.
But it’s time. Integration must take priority. My soul’s evolution must come first. The split personalities are being unified.
The Universe is supporting the unification by sending me more evolutionary entrepreneurs to work with than I can get back to who need and want my combination of lawyerness and love and Goddess-based business models to support the evolution of their business.
I can stop pushing on the lawyer business for now. If lawyers want what I have, they can find me.
I’m throwing down the gauntlet and taking a stand, walking my talk, closing a door, trusting my path, focusing on the people I absolutely love to serve and allowing plenty of time and space for my soul to evolve.
This is my public declaration so I can stop talking about it and finally do it.
And so it is.