It’s the eve of Thanksgiving and truthfully I’m not feeling particularly grateful at the moment. And of course I feel guilty for not feeling grateful because honestly I have so freakin’ much to be grateful for.
My loving boyfriend and I took my kids to see the magical night of lights in a nearby town and ate tons of junk food and rode lots of rides. Despite the fact that the kids complained and bickered the whole way back (payback for the years of bickering me and my sister subjected our parents to), it was a fantastic night.
We dropped $100+ on food and entertainment without batting an eye and with everything going on the world right now that alone is something to be grateful about.
I’m in Atlanta visiting my honey, who is my dream guy in so many ways, and we’ll introduce our children to each other tomorrow night for the first time. And last night his ex intimated that she may even be willing to meet me one day, something I’ve hoped would happen for quite a while. More to be grateful about.
I have an amazing team supporting me both at home and in my business and a great relationship with my ex-husband for the first time in years, all of which allows me to be an empire-building mommy and know that my kids and my house will be well cared for even when I’m traveling and working.
I’m appearing regularly on TV and just got an email from someone who saw me on CNBC tonight without me even telling them I was going to be on. And, Tuesday I’ll be in the Better TV studios taping my weekly segments.
Earlier today I got to spend time coaching a friend off the ledge of a potential legal nightmare that could have blown up her life had she taken her lawyer’s advice and into a space of love and acceptance for what is that could show her a whole new purpose for the events that have led up to the situation.
My family is healthy, safe and secure and they love me.
Feeling grateful because you should and actually feeling gratitude are two very different experiences. So, why am I not feeling all of that gratitude inside my body? And, am I insane for admitting it here when everyone else is posting their cheery “what I’m grateful for today” messages?
More importantly, why am I posting it here?
I’m posting it here because I believe my awareness about this may help you. Because maybe you have a lot to feel grateful for as well and yet you aren’t feeling it and don’t know why. And, because this blog is about being afraid and doing it anyway.
I’m not feeling grateful in my body though all outward appearances suggest I should be dancing in the streets and screaming in joy because I have not been doing a good job of taking care of myself physically, emotionally or spiritually. And when I don’t take care of myself, it doesn’t matter how great things look on the outside, they start to crumble on the inside.
For the past three days, I have eaten horribly and done no exercise at all. I have not really meditated. Not gotten enough sleep. Allowed my attention to be focused on small things that take me away from my greater purpose. And, realized that a huge part of my purpose is to bring more faith and love into people’s lives and I’m so caught up in my money-making business ventures that I’m not investing my time or energy on what brings true meaning to my life everyday – sharing my faith in God, the Universe, Spirit, Love.
Worst of all, I’ve convinced myself that it’s fine not to do the things I know are important because it’s the holidays and we are traveling and …. well, you know the rationalization drill, don’t you?
It’s a long, sad road to ingratitude is what it is. Fortunately, the road back can be short and gleeful.
Here’s what helped me.
Just sitting down and writing all of this out helped tremendously because it was a visual reminder of all that I have to be grateful for and oftentimes you just need to write it down to really feel it.
Next, I’ve made a commitment to myself that tomorrow I am going to exercise, no matter what. My body is already getting excited about that.
Last, before I go to bed tonight, I am going to write the outline for my next book, which I got the inspiration for tonight: From Fear Into Faith: The Step by Step Guide to Co-Creating the Life of Your Dreams.
So, if it’s Thanksgiving and you aren’t feeling particularly grateful, know that you are not alone and there’s nothing wrong with you. Know as well that it’s a sign that there’s some incongruity happening in your life (a disconnect between what you really want and what you are allowing yourself to create) and there are concrete action steps you can take right now to turn it around.
Go get a pen and paper and give me 10 minutes of your time. I’ll get you into gratitude and give you an action plan for living everyday from here out gratefully.
Ready? Here we go.
Right now, take a deep breath and now another. Allow the feeling of your breath make it’s way down into the deepest part of your belly and feel how the warmth of your breath radiates from your core and caresses the inside of the skin of your arms all the way to your fingers and the inside of the skin of your legs down to your toes.
Now, do that again.
Write down one good thing happening in your life. Now, another. Then, as many as you can. If it’s only one, that’s okay. Focus your attention on that thing and take another deep, cleansing breath. The kind that you can feel all the way into the base of your lower back.
Ok, now, from that place, write down the first answer that comes to your mind that answers this question: if you knew you’d be successful doing anything in the world and money was of zero concern, what would you be doing?
Last, commit to yourself that everyday for now on you will do something that gets you closer to doing whatever that thing is. Write down that commitment to yourself, fold up the piece of paper you wrote on and put it somewhere you’ll see it frequently, like in your wallet, where you’ll see it when you want to spend money to compensate for not doing what your purpose is.
The next time you are not feeling grateful, pull out that piece of paper and renew your commitment to yourself. You deserve it.
Ah, doesn’t that feel better? Grateful now? I am. Thanks.