Yes, I pay alimony to my husband (or as it’s being called “manimony”)

I’ve been busting my butt to get publicity for my book and my free website where parents can name legal guardians for their kids. I’ve actually gotten quite a bit (even appearing on the Today Show and View From the Bay!) but I’ve had to work for every bit of it.

Then, I get quoted in an article about women who pay their ex-husband’s alimony and all the sudden I’ve got all the national networks beating down my door (okay, not quite all of them and not quite beating down my door, but you get the point).

First, it was the CBS Early Show. Then, they aired the segment on the CBS nightly news. And now, I’ll be appearing on Fox & Friends Wednesday morning talking about it too.

Not that I mind, mind you. It’s good stuff for my reel and I’ve always welcomed the opportunities that came my way, even if they seemed a bit random, because you never know what leads to what.

I’ll bring my book with me to Fox & Friends on Wednesday and maybe after they get to know me, they’ll invite me back to talk about legal planning for parents.

And I do love that I get to share why I’m paying alimony and child support to my ex. I hope it inspires someone who is going through a divorce (especially where kids are involved) and fighting for every last entitlement to just let it go and move on. Give more than you ever thought possible and go out and make more.

Maybe this is what my next book should be about. Got title ideas? Post em in the comments. Whatever you do, don’t have the word “manimony” in the title though. It’s an annoying word that rubs me the wrong way. Alimony does not equate to woman-i-mony, so manimony is just silly.

Oh, and by the way, I don’t think alimony should be paid to either party in a marriage where there was no children and no agreement for the lower wage earner to give up earning potential to support the partnership/relationship by providing personal services instead of money.

When it is the case that one partner/spouse gave up earning potential, you can think of it as back wages.

But, where the non wage-earner spouse just earns less because that is his or her chosen path, why should the higher wage earner spouse have to pay? If it wasn’t for my kids, I’d tell my ex-husband to get off his ass and get to work. But, I do really like him being available for the kids and their school events and if he can’t work and do that, I’d rather support him to be readily available for them. He deserves it and so do they.


  1. lindagtaylorMonday, June 30, 2008 at 6:46 pm 

    I’m sorry but if your ex has a larger income then you I feel they do not need alimony. If I were to marry my man friend and he were to die then I would have to continue his alimony payments. What’s up with that? I do not understand the alimony laws here.

  2. abandoned daughterWednesday, October 1, 2008 at 3:42 pm 

    My mother left for California to settle her Aunt and Uncle’s wills. She was out there for 3 years and kept telling her husband “it’s almost over, I’ll be home soon”. In the mean time his disability and workers comp was paying for her and paying for their house back on the other coast.
    He finally got a settlement for his permanent disability (working 2 jobs to keep my mother in the finest clothing and jewelry) and my mother begged him to buy her a sports car, drive it to California and then fly back. He did. She then spent every dime of his settlement when she went back to visit. He is now living on Social Security and cannot make the house payments. My mother got a boyfriend 20 years younger, filed for divorce and then out of her inheritance she has purchased a new house and put it in trust to her new boyfriend. She’s not been paying the bills she said she would and leaving my father in ruins. She’s lied to you lawyers saying that he didn’t pay when in fact my sister sent her the bills she promised to pay and the title to the car he took to her. She ignored them to make it look like she was the victim.
    Mind you, they have been married almost 40 years and he was the one with the large income. Now he has only the Social Security and my mother has millions. She should have to pay something. Devious and heartless. She wants nothing to do with her children, grand children or great grand children. Her focus is on the new family and her new grand children.
    She will not do anything to leave our father in a place where he can survive. The only thing she says is that she’ll do a quick deed, no alimony.

    So…this website is her favorite. She lives by it and even sends the letters to me to read. If I am not mistaken you are her lawyer.
    Nice. Preach for saving families, fairness, love and devotion and yet this family was ripped away at the seams and my disabled Veteran father is left out in the cold for loving his wife too much.

    California laws need to be changed so that this cannot happen again. The mean people are destroying the beautiful ones.

  3. meg wolffTuesday, December 2, 2008 at 11:16 pm 

    I came over from Martha’s new blog. You have an awesome attitude. I will read more. Thanks.

  4. Mom of 3Wednesday, December 3, 2008 at 5:22 am 

    I have been married to my loser husband for 14 years. I kicked him out of MY home 3 years ago after a drinking binge and have been going through the wonderful “collaborative divorce process” for the past 2 years. After 2 lawyers that my husband retained (the first one wasn’t cut throat enough) and thousands of dollars later, all of which I am paying for. I got custodial rights to my 3 kids and I have to pay my husband alimony, half of all I’ve made in interest since the marriage started and a portion of the home that I paid for which shakes out to approximately $400,000.00. He recently lost his job but got a new one paying $45,000. He never made more that 30,000 a year during our marriage and I made nearly 3 times his salary. Now I cut my hours down to 1/2 time so it would allow me more time to be with my children and I have to pay him alimony and he doesn’t have to pay a single cent for my children’s expenses or their education when they’re older. It’s a bitter pill to swallow but I have become determined to not let this jerk ruin my life. I got my kids and I got him out of my life. I think of it this way, if a doctor told you that you had cancer and you were going to die if you didn’t have it removed, you would probably pay any money you had to to get that cancer out of your body, wouldn’t you? My husband was the cancer that surely would have killed me if I didn’t have him removed. Doesn’t sound like a lot of money now does it? I don’t think so….. Now I can get on with my life and I’m not looking back!

  5. SabrinaWednesday, December 3, 2008 at 8:59 pm 

    My sister just filed for divorce yesterday. I’m sure she will have to pay her lame0 husband alimony (they live in CA) and I have no doubt he will push for it. She earns 4 times as much as he does while still being the main caregiver and provider to their son, even though she works 10 times as hard as her husband, and pays most of the bills and the mortgage. And unlike some of these men who give up their jobs to be the main caretaker to their children, he didn’t give up anything to take care of their son. In fact, when she is working and he has to watch their son, he’ll call us up to babysit so he can go to the gym or out to happy hour. The only things he pays for is the cable and his BMW lease. She pays for the dogs, her child, food, everything! She is totally miserable. They have no relationship, he is a lousy father, yet he thinks everything is great. He refuses to move out of the house and claims he wants 50% of the custody. I shudder to think of their small son being with him alone as I fear for his safety. The dad cares more about playing his video games than watching his son. CA no-fault really sucks sometimes. I’m sure he is having an affair and may even be gay but none of that matters in CA. 🙁

    Anyway, thanks for your blog. I will forward it onto my sister.

  6. Will BuckleyWednesday, February 4, 2009 at 8:40 pm 

    I would love to know if Abandoned Daughter’s story is true. What a laugh. As a husband who got royally screwed by my ex-wife I find it amusing that people are so concerned about alimony.

    I, like you, think that alimony is a big joke and should not be paid by anyone. If you are capable of working then you should do so. But then what would mean people do.

  7. kellyThursday, February 12, 2009 at 6:36 pm 

    Man! Never knew USA (or California) has such laws! But I am VERY proud of you. In marriage or divorce, children’s needs should always be met first before your own. And I think you’ve done it.

    Be sure to let your kids know MUMMY (that’s you) love them no matter what!!

    I do look forward to reading more in your blog and getting to know you Alexis!

  8. Jack MThursday, July 16, 2009 at 12:32 am 

    You bitches are all the same. It always the man’s fault. Bout time some states wake up and make the women pay once in a while. I have seen so many women get away with telling the court such bs . I love it when a women judge see through the crocodile tears and awards teh man from time to time. MORE WOMEN JUDGES I say

  9. MikeFriday, July 24, 2009 at 4:39 am 

    Awesome and refreshing points of view Alexis! Being a “big” enough person to do what’s right for the kids is hugely important and far to often ignored in divorces.

    It makes no difference if the money comes from the man, the woman or both. The kids hungry bellies and education funds don’t mind so why should we?

    Oh, Jack M…..REAL nice way to talk to a lady. Back to your cave dude.

    The system isn’t perfect, but neither are people…”bitches” or “man-bitches” 🙂

  10. CScott - email subject linesWednesday, December 2, 2009 at 4:00 pm 

    Well… at least you didn't have to pay big bucks for a lawyer.

  11. drparthThursday, May 20, 2010 at 8:08 pm 

    Thanks for speaking up for the kiddos and for a Mindful mentality.
    All in all, there is too much anger and not enough consideration for what is important in the end, our kids and our own integrity.

  12. MeThursday, June 17, 2010 at 6:30 pm 

    Oh honey I firmly believe he should get off his ass and work, and I do understand why he can't and is there for the kids but seriously? To me, that's called child support. He can figure out how to get a good job with a flexible company policy to get those kids from school, etc.

    My husband is out and out lazy. He works in his own business but he never got a degree, smokes weed, and even sacrifices his time watching our child for GOLF. Yes golf. beacuse you know, golf is important.

    Screw that about paying alimony for that bullshit. I would LOVE to be home with my child part time–still bring in income but you know, I can't. My husband's faults resulted in me picking up more of HIS slack so we can have a house ,bills paid, etc. I think that does not deserve alimony.

    I think he deserves a kick in the ass and figure out how to work the 3rd shift and be with our son. I chose the right path in life, he didn't. I'm tired of paying for it.

  13. MeThursday, June 17, 2010 at 6:33 pm 

    Sabrina, your sister's marriage is exactly like mine. Mine is trying to pull the “I want custody” bullshit yet he's out at bars, the gym, etc.

  14. TruthSunday, October 3, 2010 at 1:17 am 

    As Dr Laura would say, you have to take some responsibility for choosing the wrong men (although I would agree on your comments on p/alimony).

  15. ToddpneelySunday, October 31, 2010 at 2:41 pm 

    Yes I am the one who raised our kids, and that was my choice. Someone had to do it!

  16. ToddpneelySunday, October 31, 2010 at 2:42 pm 

    Yikes!! You should get a therapist!

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